9 Things You Should Stop Apologizing for If You Want to Be Successful
Never apologize for wanting to make money to become wealthy
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The worst thing I ever did in my life was be a people pleaser.
I didnāt set out to do it, but I fell into the trap. The corporate world taught me to do what the boss says and try to please every customer. One time, while working in an insurance call center, I got a complaint made about me by a customer.
The big boss hauled my ass into his office.
āIf you ever f*cking do that again youāre fired. Now go call them and apologize.ā
From that moment on I became a people pleaser. I didnāt want to go through that torture ever again or get fired.
This led to a habit many of you are familiar with:Ā apologizing.
Iād accidentally start every email or conversation with:
āSorry to bother you.ā
āSorry Iām one minute late.ā
āSorry I donāt know.ā
āApologies for being her. Is that okay?ā
Then this led to me communicating like a politician running in an election. My answers became complex. I wrapped red tape around everything I said. I made excessive caveats in emails and provided way too much context in meetings.
I became a scared little boy. Weak as piss.
This way of life took me up to about 3 years ago. I was completely lost in life. I got fired from my job for doing nothing wrong. I got sick of being told what to do by people no smarter than a 5th grader.
So I stopped apologizing.
If I was late, I said nothing. If I made a mistake, I didnāt apologize. If I wanted something in my life, I didnāt say sorry for going after it.
And life got 10x better.
I actually got more respect. I made a lot more progress. And I stopped following the blind sheep that run corporations off a cliff into the land of nowhere.
The key to a kickass life is to stop apologizing. Start with these then go nuts.
Never apologize for wanting to make money to become wealthy
This oneās taboo.
Making money is evil, apparently. If you want to make money youāre shallow as hell and should get a life.
Get lost.
We need money to live. We need wealth to work less and focus on what matters. Iām not saying you need a Lambo or nothing. But you sure as hell shouldnāt stay broke because youāre worried someone will judge you for wanting to make money.
We see it in job interviews all the time. 99% of people donāt ask how much the salary is because conventional wisdom says itās rude or inappropriate.
Screw what the stoics said. Ask about the money. Let the hiring manager know you want to get paid and money is a factor in your decision. Heck, have the guts to ask for more money and stop accepting piss-weak salary offers.
Counteroffer the mofos.
Money makes life better and thereās no doubt about it. It canāt solve all your problems but it can solve quite a lot of āem. Itās okay to get rich. Itās okay to chase money for a while. Itās okay to buy yourself nice things and enjoy life.
Stop listening to virtue-signalling losers who also chase money in secret, too.
Never apologize for being a weirdo
I am weird.
I eat crazy vegan food, piss on the airplane toilet seat, watch documentaries about Mother Teresa, believe Keanu Reeves is Jesus, drive a piece of crap car, live in a tiny home, and have a half-asian kid who already plays the piano better than Mozart (even though I told her music isnāt a viable career).
Iāll do me, you do you.
Your weirdness is what makes you interesting. And interesting people are attracted to other interesting people. I havenāt had to network, send cold emails, or throw business cards in peopleās faces for years.
Weirdos like me connect with me because they see some of their weirdness in me.
Weirdness is a magnet. It attracts the things and people you need in life to live your version of success.
TV host Anthony Bourdain tried to be normal. Itās why he got into several romantic relationships that he shouldnāt of. When his romantic fairy tale of being normal and married didnāt work out, he ended his life.
Thatās what normal does to you. What made him successful was his weirdness but he just couldnāt embrace it or find a way to live with it.
You get one life. Donāt screw it up by being normal.
Never apologize for building your own thing
Itās okay to have a 9-5 cubicle job.
There, I said it. The point is to not do it for your whole life. I meet people on the internet all the time who want to build something they own 100% on the side (which is what I preach).
But they apologize to themselves and their boss for having that desire. They even ask their boss if they can build their own thing haha.
Yes, you donāt need to build someone elseās dreams for the rest of your life. Itās okay to become an owner, or start a business. Itās okay to become obsessed with painting and piss off to Venice for a year to learn how.
You either build your own thing, or have regrets later in life that you didnāt. Thereās no middle ground.
Nobody wants you to do it though for two reasons:
They envy you
By building your own thing, you stop them building their thing
Build. Own.
Never apologize for being pissed off
A lot of society operates poorly.
The medical system
Government
Airlines
Most people just accept it. They order a $30 hamburger and get delivered a $5 Big Mac and say nothing. But you donāt have to and you shouldnāt.
Challenge people, institutions, and organizations. Get them to deliver what they promised and what you paid for.
Itās okay to get pissed off.
The key is to be respectful. Tell them what youāre unhappy about and then ask them to fix it. If they donāt, then use the common escalation points of talking to the manager, leaving an online review, getting dispute resolution involved, or taking their stupid ass to court if itās really bad.
Iām doing it right now with local government. They are allowing someone to abuse their power and take advantage of my neighbors. And they wonāt get away with it. I wonāt stand for it, and itās not going to continue.
If it takes me a year to resolve it, then fine. With that kind of commitment and assertiveness most roadblockers in your way will move away real fast.
Pissed off = Energy
Never apologize for leaving bad friends behind
I could write a book on this one.
My high school mate slept over at my house and stole my dadās $1000 Nokia phone. My best friend treated me like a loan shark and borrowed money every week. Another friend told the cops I beat someone up when it was him (I couldnāt even hurt an ant with my skinny arms and fragile fingernails).
One day I just erased all these bad friends. Facebook block. iPhone block on their number. Change of home address. New job.
When you stop hanging around losers a lot of problems just go away. Itās okay to curate your inner circle and replace bad friends with good friends over time.
Never apologize for being delusional
Delusional people build great things in the world that we all need.
I am delusional. I think Iām going to become a best-selling author and take this Substack from 100k subscribers to 2m. Maybe I will or maybe I wonāt.
But damn it feels good to dream ā¦ to do what everyone else says you canāt do or thinks is impossible to achieve.
If we donāt have dreams then what the bloody hell is the point of living?
We may as well drive down to the funeral home, choose the coffin, book the funeral, and say goodbye to our family.
Even if you donāt reach your delusional goal, youāll still get further by having it.
Never apologize for your obsession
All of us have an obsession, even if we donāt know what it is yet.
Donāt apologize for it. Iām obsessed with writing. One prominent writing figure said publicly last week that I write too much and am nothing more than a content mill.
F*ck him.
I love writing. Itās all I think and dream about. What I do might make me look like a madman, but to those who love writing ā¦ they get it.
Most people wonāt understand your obsession. Find your tribe who do and spend time with them. Let those ā such as family ā know that they donāt have to understand but they need to stay out of the way of your obsession.
Never apologize for embracing self-improvement
The cool kids will say self-improvement is a scam. A pyramid scheme.
They want us to think itās selfish and that we shouldnāt improve ourselves. Theyāre wrong. Itās okay to improve. Itās how we grow and get better in life as we get older. As humans we crave progress.
Progress is one part of life that keeps us alive. If we refuse to grow then we run the risk of letting mental illness move into our heads. I look at who I was a year ago and I donāt even recognize myself. And what I thought 5 years ago almost feels as strange as what I thought about the world at 6 years of age.
Thatās growth.
Our human hardware is our brain and every day itās getting an incremental software update from the information we consume and people we spend time with. Some of those software upgrades turn into viruses, and others turn into better software.
To *not* improve is to die at 25 and get buried at 85. Or as my friend Dan Koe puts it, to be 50 years old and have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old.
Never apologize for setting 5 year goals
If youāre willing to suck at anything for 100 days in a row, you can beat most people at most things. The bar for excellence has never been so low ā Alex Hormozi
Shortcuts and a lack of patience have destroyed more dreams than the bad boss at work who loves to micromanage people.
When you set long-term goals most people donāt get it. At best, the average person has New Yearās Resolutions that are one year in advance and get repeated for years without anything ever happening.
Very few have 5 year goals. And less than 1% have 10+ year goals.
When I started writing I made it a 5 year goal. Now I operate on 10 year goals and am about to hit my 10 year anniversary writing online. Any online success Iāve had is because of this long-term mindset ā not quality of writing, friends in high places, or trust funds from daddy.
Play long-term games. Dare: play forever games.
Bonus Thing to Stop Apologizing Forā¦
Writing online before you feel ready.
All you need is ideas and guts.Ā
If you've got some guts, I can helpĀ you with the ideas in my free masterclass: How to Rewire your Brain and Become an Idea Machine for Life.
It's actually better than free. I'll give you $200 in online course materials just for showing up.Ā
Arguably your best post yet. Thanks Tim.
Loved reading this one Tim! Particularly the section on embracing your weird. As a coach I've had many clients surprised to find that a critical key to being effective as a leader is self-awareness and embracing who you are, rather than fitting your head into the box society provides for us. I've always loved a quote from George Bernard Shaw "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.ā