I'm 39. If I could only tell you to do one thing, it would be this.

This will make some people very uncomfortable

Image Credit: Midjourney

Not knowing what you want in life sucks.

It’s the default option in society. People like Andrew Tat3 would argue it’s because “people are retards.” I don’t believe that to be true.

What I believe is true is you must decide what you want. It may not be the perfect option. You may not do it forever. But you’ve gotta pick one thing. Because if you don’t, you end up being distracted by a thousand random things.

Soon I will be 40. Some might think that’s scary. I don’t. I have two amazing daughters going into my 40s, and I think that’s all a man like me needs.

But right now, I’m still 39. I wanna exit my 30s with a bang. So, if I could only tell you to do one thing, it would be this:

Decide what the f*ck you want. Say no to everything that isn’t that.

Last week a well-known TV station reached out to me.

They want me in a documentary. I instantly said no without hesitation. I know what I want and it isn’t fame or being on TV. I had another request soon after to host a popular conference. Without hesitation I said, “No, thank you.”

They thought they were giving me a kiss on the d*ck with this offer.

It felt like eating a turd from where I’m standing. Another email then came in. An offer for $10,000 to promote an AI company. Another instant no.

Finally, an ask via Twitter/X DMs to mentor a college student. Yet again a polite no.

I know what I want, and at age 39, it’s to look after my 4 month old baby. Everything else is a distraction. I don’t want to miss her first steps for some flogger’s conference, or get rich with some AI scam that won’t make people rich. Yesterday my baby did her first push up. Magic. A $10K sponsorship feels empty in comparison.

Unless you decide exactly what you want, you will be thrown in a million different directions by the chaos of the world and get left feeling confused.

Knowing what you want isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision.

You can just decide today if you want. And if you do, your full-time job will be to say no to everything that isn’t that one damn thing, amigo.

Say no to friends who drain your energy and give you sh*t in return.

You don’t have to put up with energy vampires who suck your energy away.

They want you to drink alcohol and watch sports with them so they can escape their life. You’re under no obligation to do so. I once had a boss who did this to me. He wanted me to go out every night and drink alcohol with clients.

When I told him no, he gave me sh*t. Called me a teetotaller. Bastard.

I didn’t want to drink on weeknights because then I’d wake up with no energy. He was unsuccessful in turning me into an alcoholic. Looked him up on LinkedIn the other day. He’s 45 and looks like he’s 85 because of all the partying. Newly divorced too.

Just say no.

There’s no obligation to do anything just to fit in or look cool.

In fact, if you’re trying to fit in, it’s a sign of people-pleasing. You gotta stop. People who get what they want are rare, and that’s precisely why they get called weird and don’t fit in.

Say no to meetings that could have been a f*cking email.

What blew my mind working in corporate was how many people were stuck in meetings all day and started doing their real work at 5PM. Makes sense why they never saw their families.

Most meetings are a waste. No agenda. Layers of hierarchy. And most importantly, most people in the meeting are looking at their phone and not fully present.

In my companies, we do everything we can NOT to have meetings. 99% of communication can happen async without wasting everyone’s time.

If you find yourself stuck in back-to-back meetings all day, it’s time to make a change. Modern companies are smarter and rebel against endless meetings. Either start a company like that, or work for one that believes in the same philosophy.

When people ask you to be in meetings just politely say no. Tell them you’ll send them your thoughts via email beforehand. Or that you’re busy with customers. In my last job, I said no to every meeting so I could finish work early and write online.

The majority of people didn’t care. Except one flogger in HR.

He wanted me to use my LinkedIn to talk about my employer. I told him no. He then set up a meeting with me to discuss.

I declined. So he told my boss like the little snitch b*tch he was. My boss backed me up. He got rejected once more and never contacted me again. God rest his soul.

Meeting lovers give up on getting you to attend if you challenge them as to what value you will bring to the meeting. Push back. Make no your default answer to meetings.

Say no to family members who guilt-trip you for chasing your dreams.

Boomer parents are amazing.

But not always. Many parents want their children to achieve goals they couldn’t achieve in their youth. So they force them to get some boring-ass law degree or take over the family business. I copped the latter. My family wanted me to take over the toilet cleaning business. I told them flat out, “NO!”

They tried to guilt-trip me and sell me the dunny cleaning life of cleaning up other people’s poo off the side of the toilet bowl. No thanks. To their credit, it was insanely profitable, and I’d probably be driving a Ferrari now if I’d taken their advice.

But I didn’t.

I wanted to live life the hard way. So I got the equivalent of a music degree and became a starving artist. My bank account came close to hitting $0. Even though I never became the next Elton John, I don’t regret making this terrible career decision.

Music taught me about history. It helped me see the world through an artist’s eyes. I got to discover what “vibes” were. And I experienced some of the deepest flow states I’ve ever had in my life.

Everything music taught me is still used in my business endeavors today. I’m so glad I chased my music dream and failed instead of succeeding as a toilet cleaner.

Say no to your family’s wishes. Don’t pass down traditions or choose terrible careers just to keep them happy. Be your own person.

Say no to the news that makes you angry about things you can’t control.

My friend recently bought a Tesla.

He went out to a cafe with friends and mentioned it. All of them got mad. “How can you support Elon Musk you scum bag.” They were genuinely angry at him.

So he said this…

“What operating system do all of your computers run on?”

Answer: Windows.

He then went on a tirade about all the disgusting things Bill Gates did, including going to an island where kiddies got interfered with, giving his wife STI pills because he was worried she caught something from a Russian hooker he had relations with, and, oh, his best mate Jeffrey.

The room went silent.

This is what the news does. It makes you angry and react stupidly to situations like buying a car, while making you a complete hypocrite in other areas.

It’s mental programming for the masses, and it’s a beautiful way to weaponize perfectly healthy brains for some stupid cause.

Say no to the news and whatever war they’re endorsing. Choose peace and spend the time working on what you want in life.

Say no to advice from people who aren’t where you want to be.

There is a guy in my corner of the internet who talks a lot about online business.

I won’t name him because I don’t want to start World War 4 and go back and forth with him on Twitter trading insults with memes. But he’s a smart guy. He gives a lot of advice. He’s made a lot of money.

Yet I ignore everything he says despite his success.

Why? He’s a playboy. He cheats on his wife. He films videos of doing burnouts in luxury cars and uploads them to Youtube. He brags about working 18-hour days and sometimes not leaving his office for weeks.

I say no to his advice because I don’t ever want to be like him. He doesn’t have the life I want. He’s unsuccessful according to every one of my metrics. So even though he might be able to make me rich, I don’t care.

Stop taking advice from any old person.

If they don’t have the life you want, it’s time to switch them off. Money, owning famous companies, and having fancy job titles shouldn’t be the reason you take someone’s advice.

One of my good friends is the most unsuccessful person I know in the traditional sense. But I listen to his advice because he’s insanely kind, and when he’s not in the room, everyone has life-changing stories to tell about his impact.

Fewer gurus, more aligned mentors.

Say no to parties where you have to pretend to be someone else.

So much of modern socializing feels like an elaborate status game.

You dress in your least comfortable clothes. You go to a venue and meet other people. The first question they ask you is “What do you do for a living?”

In my case, the answer is complicated. Ummm… I write online in my underwear and write life advice full of f-words??? I don’t know. It’s, ah, complicated.

The reason we play these status games at parties is we want to fit in. We want to be accepted and perhaps even be the life of the party. So we pretend to be someone we’re not and often don’t realize it.

It’s why I don’t go to weddings.

I find them boring. People pretend to be in love. They go into $100,000 of debt to look happy for a few hours at their wedding, then spend a lifetime paying it off.

All the ceremony and glitz and glamour make no sense to me. It’s perhaps why I married my wife during the pandem!c at an Australian government office. The nice ceremony guy did play Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours) on his iPhone on our way out which was nice.

You can just say no to high society.

You can leave the BMW in the garage, the Gucci jeans in the laundry, and the Rolex watch in the garden shed.

Invitations are a suggestion, not an obligation. Say no if it’s not what you want.

Say no to opportunities that are distractions dressed up as productivity.

I had a client, Paula, who gets asked to do a lot of podcast interviews.

On the surface, she believes it’s good for her business. “It builds my brand. I’ll get some leads.” Sounds good in theory. Then I asked her to give me tangible results from the last few podcasts. Took one line to cut through the bullsh*t:

“How many leads did you get from the last podcast?”

She fumbled around for a minute, then admitted to getting zero leads. Even worse, she was obsessed with doing face-to-face coffees with strangers.

She’d basically give them a free 60-minute consulting session over a coffee she paid for! The lead would then say, “Thanks for all that value” and never become a client.

A lot of opportunities are like this. Productive on the surface. Bullsh*t in reality. It’s why I don’t do podcasts. Unless it’s Tim Ferriss the answer is no, bro.

Real productivity is doing the boring stuff that moves the needle and actually helps people. If you do things for your ego, your ego becomes your worst enemy. It makes you say yes to your own vanity instead of what you really want in life.

Tattoo this to your brain…

Decide what the f*ck you want. Say no to everything that isn’t that.

Because what happens when you say no to all of these things? You automatically say yes to the things you do want.

When that opportunity comes up that’s exactly aligned with what you want, you have the time, energy, and mental bandwidth to go for it.

When there’s an event you actually do want to attend, your calendar isn’t filled with bullsh*t that’s in the way.

Learn to say “no” more.

It makes your yeses more aligned.

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