Seven Reminders That Will Save Your Life When You Reach a Dark Place
It’s okay *not* to be okay.
None of us are full-time superheroes.
Things go wrong. Hard times find us all. Multiple back-to-back tragedies are possible.
The best way is to live as if you’ll end up in a dark place at some point for a short while. That way you won’t be shocked when it happens.
I’ve been in a dark place many times. The phase of my life where I had extreme mental illness was the darkest.
These are the reminders that saved my life. They can save yours, too, if something terrible happens.
Prioritize yourself
It’s okay to be short-term selfish. Read that again.
Getting better takes time. You’ll have to change your focus exclusively to yourself. There won’t be time to deal with other people’s problems. Projects will need to go unfinished. Emails will need to be left unanswered.
You’re going to have to say no a lot.
Last week I got fitted with hearing aids. The shift has been a hard one to deal with. I needed space to be alone. I let people down. I didn’t answer messages. I said no to being on two podcasts that my friends really wanted me on.
Had I have not prioritized myself and said yes to the tidal wave of requests, I may not have made it through the week. That’s worse than a few noes.
We spend so much time trying to be kind to others. What about being kind to ourselves when we need it? You can’t be kind to another human, anyway, if you’re in a dark place and lying on the floor.
People will prioritize their needs. Only you can prioritize yourself during your darkest days. Those who don’t understand the “no,” well, you’re better off without them.
It’s okay *not* to be okay
We’re not monkeys performing tricks in a circus. Even the bravest people on Earth have times when they’re not okay.
If your heroes can be okay with not being okay, then why can’t you? You can.
Forget how you look. Give yourself permission to experience the dark times. There’s a lot to look forward to. On the other side of dark times are brighter days. And dark days contain some of the best life lessons you could ever hope to learn.
I’d rather be educated by dark days than study at Harvard University.
Life lessons are part of your story and that’s why you remember them. They etch themselves into your brain forever and provide enormous value.
Say yes to not being okay.
Remember your extraordinary value
People often live like their lives are worthless.
This makes me incredibly emotional. I feel like crying when people describe themselves as worthless. I felt like that. I felt like a doormat everybody steps on to wipe their sh*t-stained shoes on. The feeling is a lie.
Your life has value.
People need you. Your stories matter. What you’ve learned is helpful to other people. The world is better because you existed, not worse off. Your parents are glad they had you regardless of any drama.
Just because people don’t tell you that you matter, doesn’t mean you don’t. Often it’s not until our presence is gone that people tell us how much they need us. We’re all trapped in our bubble of the world.
A lack of communication about your value from others doesn’t mean your self-worth should decrease. It means you have to rely on your own assessment of your value for the time being.
Let go of all the garbage
Our minds become dumpsters for other people’s junk. Sometimes you’ve gotta take out the trash.
If you’re in a dark place it’s the perfect time to remove friends, or stop talking to terrible work colleagues, or to fire your boss and work for a leader.
Dark times are times of transition. This unlocks enormous value. You may not have been able to change jobs during the good times. You might have felt too comfortable. But when everything goes wrong, suddenly, you have courage from the darkness.
Don’t waste this courage. Use it to make radical changes.
Remember to forgive, too. And release grudges you have against people. These two things help you feel free at a time that it’s most needed.
Don’t be like my grandma. Don’t wait until the day you die for all the bad things you held onto, to be let go.
Everything will work itself out
The dark days don’t last forever. They’re like seasons. Winter comes and then before you know it, it’s summer again and we’re partying like it’s 1995.
No situation is impossible. It just takes time for your mind to deploy creativity on a problem. That’s why walks, doing the dishes, and cleanups at home are so crucial. During basic tasks your mind threads together all of your ideas into possible solutions.
Suddenly you feel like a genius.
You have a path forward. That’s the power of the mind, working in your favor, always.
Darkness feels like an eternity. Hope alters your perception of how long the dark times will last. Program your mind to be hopeful.
You’re never too old to start again
Your age smacks you in the face when you end up in a dark place. Thinking about how I lost most of my 20s to mental illness still makes me emotional.
The truth is, you’re never too old to start again. Age is a stupid number. You’re only as old as you feel.
My personal doctor is 65. He eats a whole-food plant-based diet. He runs marathons and can outperform most 18-year-olds, no joke. As a fun game, he asks people to guess his age. Most people say “you’re in your 30s, right?”
That’s what I said. His smile revealed how wrong, and how stupid, age is.
Young people can die early. Old people can die late. No age bracket has an advantage. The only advantage is to still be alive and be hopeful that good times will return.
It’s okay to live for a while like you don’t give a f*ck
Dark times are the perfect opportunity to live carefree. Speak your mind for once. Say the truth in meetings at work. Tell people what you will and won’t put up with.
The superpower lies in the tone.
If you yell at people or be angry then you destroy the power. But if you calm your mind and politely tell people in a positive tone the truth, it makes a huge difference.
Too many times we walk through the day and tell a bunch of half-truths. That’s what often leads to dark times in the first place.
Now is the time to stand your ground, speak up, hold the line, and take back your life.
What if nothing really mattered as much? Well, then you’d take action. Action is how you create a fork in the road that leads to a new beginning.
Let the truth set you free. Stop giving a f*ck about every little thing.
Final Thought
When my life goes off track, I read these reminders. They act like a roadmap for hard times. Use them if you find darkness. And remember, this party called life doesn’t last that long. You may as well start fresh and rebuild today, and stop wasting time.
This instalment of Unfiltered is free for everyone. I send this email weekly. If you would also like to receive it, join the 50,000+ other smart people who absolutely love it today.
👉 If you enjoyed reading this post, feel free to share it with friends!
Thank you. Couldn’t have come to me at a more opportune time. Each and every word resonates with my current state. Thank you Tim.
Truly a timely article. Thanks for sharing it.