Here’s the plan to follow if you want to ruin your life in 8 easy steps.
1. Have big goals, never take action
Talk a good game
“One day everyone’s gonna know my name.” Keep saying one day. Don’t set a date. Don’t have a plan. Have zero sense of urgency. Rely on luck and/or hope.
Work on the goal only when you feel like it.
When people ask how your goal is going, make it sound like stuff is happening. Name small tasks like “I wrote a list of things I’m going to do.” Or “I came up with another idea.”
Let this lead to regrets. Become resentful of others who are taking action and getting results. Blame it on privilege.
2. Let life get in the way
“My mom just got sick.”
“The business is failing.”
“The car has stopped working.”
“I lost my job.”
“I’m sick.”
Think you’re special. Let these life curveballs get in the way. Use them as an excuse. Tell them to other people when they ask you to do things or to be a responsible adult.
If anything slightly complicated happens just drop everything. Tell your personal trainer, “Sorry, no gym today or for the rest of the month because my doggie is sick.”
Don’t you dare use negative life events as inspiration to take action. Take a breather on your goals and never come up for air again.
Overindulge in self-care. Ask for sympathy. Beg for forgiveness.
Watch the hell out of Netflix. You deserve it. Life is hard. You need to relax. Uncertainty isn’t normal. Wait until things become certain again. Stop and then think about starting again when you’re ready or less busy.
Forget about how the world works.
You’re special. You’re the most important. Everyone should see you and leave your life alone. Heck, any debts you have should be forgotten about because you need all the help you can get.
3. See problems instead of solutions
Think of all the reasons why it won’t work.
Focus on that. Don’t you dare consider the alternatives. Think you’re smart for knowing what’s wrong with every idea. Hang around other people who also are great at spotting problems. Laugh at how naive everyone is.
Label ambitious people “dreamers.”
Soon you’ll stop caring about everyone and everything. Slowly transcend into the dark hole of pessimism. Believe the earth is going to die. Think wars are everywhere and society is collapsing.
Believe the ultimate ending is humans screw up the planet and we die. Accept this fact. Let it make your life feel meaningless.
4. Follow the sheep
You’re human, so follow the tribe.
Climb the corporate ladder because everyone else is. It’s the safest path after all. Your parents did it so why not you? Those internet gurus are full of sh*t. This is just what you have to do until you retire. There’s no real freedom, but there are weekends and 4 weeks of holidays a year – that’s enough.
At least the conventional path is clear. You just follow the proven steps. You don’t have to think too much or come up with a plan.
But there’s a lot of competition. That job you applied for had 250 applicants. They’ve got 20 job interviews booked for this week.
You say to yourself: “I hope I can impress the manager and then they pick me.”
“I guess I’ll need to work harder.”
Stay back in the office so the boss notices you. The recruiter said you need at least 5 years as a team leader before you’ll have enough experience to go for a manager role.
You’re not that happy.
You can’t say what’s on my mind. You definitely shouldn’t post on social media because if your dad finds out he’ll be mad. Or if your boss or HR see that you’re even thinking about having a side hustle they’ll fire you. Then what?
You’ll have a career gap. It’s not worth the risk. You’ve gotta hold onto what you’ve built. You don’t feel like yourself but it’ll all pass when everyone sees how brilliant you are at work. You’ll show them. A few more years.
5. Be a victim
They don’t understand.
Your hometown is poor. You didn’t grow up with money. This is just the way it is. You’re doing the best you can. What you need is a break. You need people to care about you.
If the yellow political party wins the election you can finally get some relief from the rising cost of living. You’ve asked for many pay rises but your boss ignores the requests. Corporations are so greedy. It’s all the billionaires’ fault.
6. Choose easy mode
First, choose a hard goal like committing to a 30 day challenge.
Try to login for the first time to meet your fellow challenge goers. Have an issue with the password. Blow up at customer service. Then join the community. “Too many channels, too many logins, I can’t figure out the calendar.”
Become enraged. Then throw a tantrum and say “I quit. REFUND. REFUND!”
At the sign of any little inconvenience it’s your duty to let people know it’s unacceptable. The path to your goal should be easy. People should do the work for you. It all should just…. work.
You should be able to make $10,000 a month online with a few mouse clicks and by working with a guru. They have the answers. All you have to do is follow. Go eat some snacks and take a load off. You’ve earned it. Today was a hard day.
Everyone is out to get you. It’s all a get-rich-quick pyramid scheme. You’ve seen it all before. You’ve been burned so many times. So many scammers.
This is why you give up. The job is good enough.
7. Don’t be coachable
You know what’s best.
How dare they suggest you write a better title for your newsletter. You’re not going to be one of those sleazy salespeople. You worked in sales at Microsoft for 20 years, so you know more about sales than “that guy.”
It was hard in sales. You had to convince people to buy Microsoft Office which is a relatively unknown product.
8. Overthink every detail. Create a detailed plan.
Think about when to start.
Hypothesise. What are all the things that could go wrong? Have other people even achieved this goal you want to achieve? What if you get scammed? You don’t have time. Keep coming up with more great ideas. Dream a lot.
Write up plans of how every step is going to go. Write contingency plans to be even more prepared. It’s 2025 so write up a 2027 plan. Give yourself enough time. You’ve gotta get this right the first time.
It’s all or nothing. No second chances.
Closing Thought
Adopt these 8 destructive habits and you’ll ruin your life. I guarantee it.
P.S. 10 hours left to shop my 10 most popular workshops
Instead of stuffing your face with food, stuff your brain with money-making secrets.
Love the sarcasm all over this post haha :)
Happy Turkey Day Tim,
You make the sublime real and drive the clear in your face relaties real!
Barry Hicks