You made a few good points. The 2 that stood out for me are: it's wise to stay away from superficial relationships and invest in the 10 you have or whatever number that may be. Even 5 good friends is enough. The second point I liked is about not thinking we're so special. Just enjoy not being seen and run our own race.
Another great lesson I’ve learnt reading this insightful piece, is that we often go looking outside for inspiration, when the powerful and potent truths are closer to home.
I’ve been following you for close to a year now, though I regret that I’ve sampled but a fraction of what you’ve published. Work, a TBR stack longer than my arm, and other demands on my time prevent me from being active Substack. Once in a while, though, I hope back in for writerly consolation or to try and absorb some of the skill I see out here, or to find ways to enrich my work. I’m new to this, but reading your article has shown me how to inject some salt and authenticity in my work. For that, I thank you.
Great post! Perfect timing actually. I've been struggling as well and this just made sure that it's okay to struggle sometimes. I know when I get out of this little rut I'm in, things will feel 10x better. Funny, I said that last part to an old timer friend of mine and he really resonated with it. He asked how I was doing and I replied,
"Doing the best I can with he knowledge I have, man"
Wow, thanks for asking man. Just been in my own head as of late. Over analyzing literally everything. The conversations I have. (Did I say a stupid thing? Was that conversation good? Could I have done better?) Things I am doing from day to day. Overthinking about the future. I understand some of this is normal, but it seems that I'm doing way too much of it. I can tell it's making my life difficult.
Uriah, let me hit you with a hard question...if the doctor rang you up tomorrow and said you had cancer. And you only had 6 months left, would that change your current thinking?
That is a tough one. I hate that word (another anxiety thing) but here we are talking about it. Haha. Yes, it would. I'd be scared as shit to be honest man. But I guess the stuff that I've been struggling with wouldn't matter at that point.
Such a kind comment Kimberly. Thank you. The purpose of this reflection is to make myself smaller so I can be more useful in life and not let ego run the show.
Tim, there's an "Invisible Gorilla Experiment" that Jordan Peterson mentions in 12 Rules for Life. It's a video where 6 people are passing two basketballs to each other. Out of nowhere, another human emerges, dressed like a gorilla, walks to the folks passing the balls, stops, and walks to the other side of the screen. 50% of the observers didn't notice the gorilla at all, although it was right there in front of their eyes! There's a 2-min video of the experiment on YouTube.
This attention disorder has to do with how our retina is built. The number of high-resolution cells is too low for us to notice what's happening on the periphery. Even such a low number requires a tremendous brain capacity to process the visual information. Seeing is expensive in terms of energy.
My point is that comparing ourselves with others makes zero sense (I still do this sometimes) because we just don't know what their lives are like. We don't know their struggles, fears, dreams, and aspirations. We don't even know we're "almost blind". The world is too complex for us to overthink it. Focusing on ourselves is the best best.
I agree with the fact that we as humans trnd to put so much importance on comparing ourselves with others and underestimate the effects of taking care of our own unique and specific situations in life and the advantages and opportunities that are always there, waiting to be exploited.
So I quit my 3-year job a week ago to manage my small business. I am 31 years turning 32. I was mad at what the job made me feel, what my seniors made me look like, and how the situation made me sick. I wrote about it today on my substack here. https://mbiti.substack.com/p/the-office-relationship-the-cold.
I have suddenly developed a love for writing articles, when happy, mad or I feel like or need to get some things out of my chest.
Hello Tim, I do not write anywhere else at least for now. I have been wanting to write for a long time but the but(s) were the reasons why I never started.
I am quite new here and open to new ideas, to learn about getting or growing my readership and my way up. I have been sharing my posts on X (formerly Twitter) and with friends on WhatsApp.
Wow! So many great nuggets here. I have felt lost for a long time now. More so since I left my 30 years of corporate work seven years ago tomorrow. I am not sure of my identity anymore.
People tell me to just be myself but I don’t know who “myself” is. I have pretended to be various people most of my life. And that leads me to the friend situation.
I have no friends where I live right now. I have acquaintances or people who I share niceties with but no one who would drop their world to help me pick up mine. Well, except my husband. He would do some heavy lifting if absolutely necessary.
There is a woman in Mexico who I adore and we have created a wonderful virtual friendship but lately I have been so stressed and overwhelmed that it is hard for me to keep it going. I am afraid of losing it entirely if I don’t get my act together.
2024 is my year to focus on finding myself. For being authentic and to stop being afraid of being the real me. I will nurture relationship that I hope will bloom into true friendships so that, as I age, I will feel like I am a part of something.
Thanks for this post, Tim. It has me thinking about a few things.
I will never retire. I can’t imagine that. I currently work for a small county in California as an IT manager and I still do my professional writing.
I fell into the IT job out of necessity during the COVID craziness. The writing gig started when I was 16, so 40 years now. I did copywriting in the family business (printing and publishing) and my poetry was published in an anthology.
Since then I have done a variety of writing: plenty of copywriting, grant writing, content writing, website copy, playwriting, screenwriting, and a lot of ghostwriting.
My aim this year is to fully transition to full time writing and move out of California for good. I am focusing on content and ghostwriting for small HR firms and career/life/holistic health coaches. I have 17 years in HR and 20+ years as a certified coach in the areas mentioned.
I am also launching my own publishing company for small press books and courses.
I have tried Medium, Substack, and my own site (for many years) but I am not sure what I will settle on now - probably Substack. I want to see where this goes.
I am also going to write books and I have two screenplays going right now.
I was one of those people averaging a promotion and 20% raise year over year. The company agreed to pay for my executive masters program at Northwestern. Then tech boom turn into tech bust. I weathered a 65% reduction until it was my turn. We are all replaceable, even if we are the owner of the company (like I am now).
Sorry 65% reduction in force. I wasn't clear. I floated my resume out there, but nobody wanted me, so I looked to see where I wanted to be in 40 years. I wanted a business where if I didn't work, I still made money. That if my kids wanted to, then could join it, if not then it had a book value and could be sold. At that time, I was converting my cobra policy to an individual policy and peppered the agent with questions and eventually started my own business (I've started and run around 6 businesses overall).
Great way to start my day off this morning. I have been feeling lost for quite some time and I may only have two real friends. I've reached the top position for my job site so there's nothing else for me to try to achieve but building my own skills so that when a opportunity is available I'll be ready for it. " Doing the best I can with the knowledge I have " was so powerful to read.
That is great question. I have a love for playing video games and I have been thinking about streaming my gameplay. Apart of me feel like I'm too old to be streaming games but, its something I enjoy doing and I think im pretty good at it.
You're never too old Samuel. And there's an audience for older people who play games. Just do it. What's the worst that can happen...you have some fun playing games?
Best way to avoid feeling lost is to avoid comparing yourself to others. Unfortunately it's still hard to do though even once you know it only impacts you negatively 😅
Hmmm some of the time, as with most things I guess, it depends.
I know a few people that often talk about the bad aspects of their life. But yes generally people only talk about the good. Depends on a lot of factors I think.
great writing, Tim.
focusing on someone else’s situation rather than your own is the quickest way to depression.
Spot on. If you can't solve your problems you won't be much good to others in this state of mind.
Great post, Tim! Very relatable. Thank you.
I enjoyed the read. 👍😊
What did you like best Orla?
You made a few good points. The 2 that stood out for me are: it's wise to stay away from superficial relationships and invest in the 10 you have or whatever number that may be. Even 5 good friends is enough. The second point I liked is about not thinking we're so special. Just enjoy not being seen and run our own race.
Thanks for sharing Orla.
You're welcome!
:)
I'm learning about writing just by reading this. 👍
And what did you learn about writing from this essay Ryan?
You’ve echoed what so many of us have experienced, and I feel slightly better knowing I am not alone in feeling lost.
Another great lesson I’ve learnt reading this insightful piece, is that we often go looking outside for inspiration, when the powerful and potent truths are closer to home.
I’ve been following you for close to a year now, though I regret that I’ve sampled but a fraction of what you’ve published. Work, a TBR stack longer than my arm, and other demands on my time prevent me from being active Substack. Once in a while, though, I hope back in for writerly consolation or to try and absorb some of the skill I see out here, or to find ways to enrich my work. I’m new to this, but reading your article has shown me how to inject some salt and authenticity in my work. For that, I thank you.
Appreciate you reading all my stuff. What's a TBR stack?
Thanks for sharing
It means books to be read.
We're better at solving our problems than we realize Mahad. How long have you been reading my stuff?
Great post! Perfect timing actually. I've been struggling as well and this just made sure that it's okay to struggle sometimes. I know when I get out of this little rut I'm in, things will feel 10x better. Funny, I said that last part to an old timer friend of mine and he really resonated with it. He asked how I was doing and I replied,
"Doing the best I can with he knowledge I have, man"
What have you been struggling with? Keen to hear more if you'll share.
Wow, thanks for asking man. Just been in my own head as of late. Over analyzing literally everything. The conversations I have. (Did I say a stupid thing? Was that conversation good? Could I have done better?) Things I am doing from day to day. Overthinking about the future. I understand some of this is normal, but it seems that I'm doing way too much of it. I can tell it's making my life difficult.
Thanks man
Uriah, let me hit you with a hard question...if the doctor rang you up tomorrow and said you had cancer. And you only had 6 months left, would that change your current thinking?
That is a tough one. I hate that word (another anxiety thing) but here we are talking about it. Haha. Yes, it would. I'd be scared as shit to be honest man. But I guess the stuff that I've been struggling with wouldn't matter at that point.
Yes. It's totally normal to feel lost, even for successful people. It's a sign that we're all trying to figure things out.
But that feeling can also lead us to discover new things about ourselves and find new opportunities.
And Tim you are special. You are cared for and loved by so many people you have no idea.
I adore your humility 🤍
Such a kind comment Kimberly. Thank you. The purpose of this reflection is to make myself smaller so I can be more useful in life and not let ego run the show.
Does that view of the world resonate with you?
It makes perfect sense and I respect you for it 🤍
Appreciate you letting me know.
Tim, there's an "Invisible Gorilla Experiment" that Jordan Peterson mentions in 12 Rules for Life. It's a video where 6 people are passing two basketballs to each other. Out of nowhere, another human emerges, dressed like a gorilla, walks to the folks passing the balls, stops, and walks to the other side of the screen. 50% of the observers didn't notice the gorilla at all, although it was right there in front of their eyes! There's a 2-min video of the experiment on YouTube.
This attention disorder has to do with how our retina is built. The number of high-resolution cells is too low for us to notice what's happening on the periphery. Even such a low number requires a tremendous brain capacity to process the visual information. Seeing is expensive in terms of energy.
My point is that comparing ourselves with others makes zero sense (I still do this sometimes) because we just don't know what their lives are like. We don't know their struggles, fears, dreams, and aspirations. We don't even know we're "almost blind". The world is too complex for us to overthink it. Focusing on ourselves is the best best.
Wow what an experiment. I hadn't heard of this and will go watch it now.
Have you read Jordan's book? Did you know it was based on a Quora answer he wrote?
Yes, the book is to my right on the shelf :) He mentioned in the introduction that it's based on a Quora answer.
Ahh yeah he did to. I read the book many years ago so I forgot. Funny how Quora is dead now.
I agree with the fact that we as humans trnd to put so much importance on comparing ourselves with others and underestimate the effects of taking care of our own unique and specific situations in life and the advantages and opportunities that are always there, waiting to be exploited.
Had this happened to you Lustin?
Yeah, it's what makes it difficult to write, to post, to reach out to people, to do the hobby projects that will boost my portfolio.
I may be thinking what the end goal is, and then I'm feeling guilty that there is an end goal behind it...
I'm sure that what you wrote in your email course, this to be precise: "never feel bad for trying to make money" is the key. 🔑
(most things aren't even about making money, but 95% of everything I want to do is about personal growth)
So I quit my 3-year job a week ago to manage my small business. I am 31 years turning 32. I was mad at what the job made me feel, what my seniors made me look like, and how the situation made me sick. I wrote about it today on my substack here. https://mbiti.substack.com/p/the-office-relationship-the-cold.
I have suddenly developed a love for writing articles, when happy, mad or I feel like or need to get some things out of my chest.
Writing is a fun journey Mbiti. Do you write anywhere other than Substack?
Hello Tim, I do not write anywhere else at least for now. I have been wanting to write for a long time but the but(s) were the reasons why I never started.
So how do you get readers for your Substack Mbiti if you don't use any other platforms?
I am quite new here and open to new ideas, to learn about getting or growing my readership and my way up. I have been sharing my posts on X (formerly Twitter) and with friends on WhatsApp.
It all sounds so easy and logical when you lay it out. Thanks.
Haha thanks Stephanie. It's probably more complex though, wouldn't you agree?
Wow! So many great nuggets here. I have felt lost for a long time now. More so since I left my 30 years of corporate work seven years ago tomorrow. I am not sure of my identity anymore.
People tell me to just be myself but I don’t know who “myself” is. I have pretended to be various people most of my life. And that leads me to the friend situation.
I have no friends where I live right now. I have acquaintances or people who I share niceties with but no one who would drop their world to help me pick up mine. Well, except my husband. He would do some heavy lifting if absolutely necessary.
There is a woman in Mexico who I adore and we have created a wonderful virtual friendship but lately I have been so stressed and overwhelmed that it is hard for me to keep it going. I am afraid of losing it entirely if I don’t get my act together.
2024 is my year to focus on finding myself. For being authentic and to stop being afraid of being the real me. I will nurture relationship that I hope will bloom into true friendships so that, as I age, I will feel like I am a part of something.
Thanks for this post, Tim. It has me thinking about a few things.
Thanks for sharing this Corrie. So you left your job...and what do you do with your time now? Are you retired?
I will never retire. I can’t imagine that. I currently work for a small county in California as an IT manager and I still do my professional writing.
I fell into the IT job out of necessity during the COVID craziness. The writing gig started when I was 16, so 40 years now. I did copywriting in the family business (printing and publishing) and my poetry was published in an anthology.
Since then I have done a variety of writing: plenty of copywriting, grant writing, content writing, website copy, playwriting, screenwriting, and a lot of ghostwriting.
My aim this year is to fully transition to full time writing and move out of California for good. I am focusing on content and ghostwriting for small HR firms and career/life/holistic health coaches. I have 17 years in HR and 20+ years as a certified coach in the areas mentioned.
I am also launching my own publishing company for small press books and courses.
Life is good. 😎
Whee are you going to write Corrie?
New Mexico. That is where I spent most of my childhood. I cannot wait to get back.
Oops I mean what writing platforms are you going to write on?
I have tried Medium, Substack, and my own site (for many years) but I am not sure what I will settle on now - probably Substack. I want to see where this goes.
I am also going to write books and I have two screenplays going right now.
I was one of those people averaging a promotion and 20% raise year over year. The company agreed to pay for my executive masters program at Northwestern. Then tech boom turn into tech bust. I weathered a 65% reduction until it was my turn. We are all replaceable, even if we are the owner of the company (like I am now).
How can an employer drop your income 65%? Is that what made you start your own business?
Sorry 65% reduction in force. I wasn't clear. I floated my resume out there, but nobody wanted me, so I looked to see where I wanted to be in 40 years. I wanted a business where if I didn't work, I still made money. That if my kids wanted to, then could join it, if not then it had a book value and could be sold. At that time, I was converting my cobra policy to an individual policy and peppered the agent with questions and eventually started my own business (I've started and run around 6 businesses overall).
Wow that's cool Robert. Congrats on making the jump!
That was 21 years ago. A long time. 2024 is a new chapter with a new business (think of it as a side hustle).
Great way to start my day off this morning. I have been feeling lost for quite some time and I may only have two real friends. I've reached the top position for my job site so there's nothing else for me to try to achieve but building my own skills so that when a opportunity is available I'll be ready for it. " Doing the best I can with the knowledge I have " was so powerful to read.
Why wait for an opportunity Samuel? Why not use the internet to create an opportunity?
That is great question. I have a love for playing video games and I have been thinking about streaming my gameplay. Apart of me feel like I'm too old to be streaming games but, its something I enjoy doing and I think im pretty good at it.
You're never too old Samuel. And there's an audience for older people who play games. Just do it. What's the worst that can happen...you have some fun playing games?
I have been streaming off and on just need to find some consistency in it. I agree that the worse I can do is have fun playing.
If streaming is your obsession then you'll do it without being inconsistent. Maybe streaming isn't your obsession?
Gaming is but streaming could be a new hobby I'm still putting some thought into it but I understand what your saying
You raise some wise, relevant points.
It's good that you're tackling local council issues.
What point resonated the most Raveen?
The point on not to compare our lives to others, as well as to stop thinking that others are better than us.
Thanks for sharing Raveen.
Agreed.
Best way to avoid feeling lost is to avoid comparing yourself to others. Unfortunately it's still hard to do though even once you know it only impacts you negatively 😅
People only tell you what you want to hear. They'll never say their marriage sucks or their parents never talk to them. Would you agree Harry?
Hmmm some of the time, as with most things I guess, it depends.
I know a few people that often talk about the bad aspects of their life. But yes generally people only talk about the good. Depends on a lot of factors I think.
Good points Harry
Refreshing to know the pod cast tips to skip to tropical islands for life “resets” wasn’t seen as ~the answer~ for your family either. Great post.