This resonates on so many levels … it occurs for me exactly as you described ; addiction. It feels controlling that it’s embarrassing to admit it for fear of judgement. I am suppose to be stronger , how come I can’t just overcome this , it seems very easy, but yet the paralysis sets in and there I am (without action) . I appreciate the reference to doing things at a high speed pace! I’ll give it a go today !
Embarrassment arising after being vulnerable and making the mistake of sharing my issue with others. From their concern comes the coaching ; just focus, it’s not that hard, and the endless stories of them being inaction and able to get moving. I was able to make progress yesterday (1%) and gave my self permission just try doing it half ass ( knowing my half ass is more ) . I appreciate your articles Tim. You’re the right voice my ears need to hear! Ty!
I really suffered from this early on in my coaching career. I started a wordpress site over 10 years ago so I can write health and fitness articles. But I always wanted to make sure it was so on point that nobody could argue it or say I missed something. Then it got worse as social media became more prominent, making me feel like I had to be so perfect, even the keyboard warriors couldn't find an error (we all know that's impossible). It took all these years for me to reach the IDGAF attitude!
Yes, but I never posted any articles. Just blogged my own training (it was kinda the thing back then). It’s gone now I think. I use instagram mainly now.
In the beginning, we learn from those around us, so the deeper the penetration, the longer it will take to reform, but it's great to be able to take on challenges freely.
I love Janet that you've seen the error in your ways. Without self-awareness we can never move forward. And slowly you're becoming unstoppable. What's next?
Thanks Tim - also for the recent nudge to finally get started. Just published my Substack finally and replaced my Swiss desire for a „perfect“ outcome with the Aussie approach of finding „pleasure“ along the journey.
People started to read indeed. I enjoy, it‘s different than Medium, more engaging with Notes like Twitter. More creative having own publications. Thanks for pointing me to it.
There is so much to unpack here. As usually, I look at everything through the lens of a 30-plus years as an educator. To this day I still think I could have been so much better as a teacher. But time, money, stamina...too many things stood in my way, so I never became as "good" as I wanted. Well, not according to the messages from my students, telling me in detail all they remember that I taught them.
What's ironic to me is that one of the areas I loved to work with students was either no pay or severely underpaid. But I loved getting my theater students to aim for the best performance possible. I would tell them - shoot for the stars when you're on the stage. You ay not get there, but you will be so much closer than if you didn't "take the shot."
And so many years of being on the sidelines until I read enough, wrote enough, practiced enough. I'm putting it all on the table right now during my "bucket list decade." No more waiting...which reminds me, I need to collect all these leadership articles and then apply the principles (or lack thereof) to the classroom and the inevitable change that needs to happen in education. I can't wait any longer to do this. Education is desperately in need of systemic overhaul, and I want to lead the way.
Linda, education is close my heart as my mother was a teacher. I have turned education upside down with my academy. It's more of a rebellion than an academy lol.
Hi Tim - first of all, congrats on what you're achieving at BadAssery. It's made a difference in my life. My Bucket List started with July 75th birthday: publish my hospice book (August 23 done), first trip to Europe (October done), start learning and writing every day (end of last year, continuing now through the Academy), travel more (Tucson for some warmth in March/April - and writing on the road) - plus whatever I feel like doing. A lot of my writing revolves around grief - talked to my first remembrance group of hospice this last Sunday (a very tough gig). I'm thinking of taking a prompt from yesterday's templates and turning it around - "The Lighter Side of Grief" - hopefully by next week. Basically in this decade I want to change how history is taught/not taught and look at correcting the biases. I have contemplated starting an online course, but there's a lot to think and research in doing that. Mostly, though, I jump head-first and figure it out as I tread water - or plummet head-first, hoping I don't hit bottom while I'm engrossed in thinking. Thank you for everything you do, and the morality behind it all. Linda.
I know right? Unfortunately/fortunately, I am a whore for subscribers.
I think I struggle with perfectionism a lot. And I get scared to ship things before I am obsessed with them. Which has caused me to only do one post every other month on Substack ha
Nice article Tim, I agree with you f^ck perfectionism, it can be a bane to your existence. For a while I was afraid of failure but the older, I got, I learned to get over it. At 55 I have just started a freelance writing career and I have some family members that are not happy about it, one of them has gone of their way to tell me I will fail, which I might but it is not going to be because of a lack of trying. Thank you, Tim.,
Hi Tim, I have not crossed that point as of yet, I do most of my writing on Medium and have been able to make a little money. I have been working on getting my LinkedIn page up to speed, basically I am a rookie, looking into breaking into the big leagues. I have a lot of work to do, Thank you and have a good one.
This part stuck with me the most out of the entire article. I think thats why I started trading stocks. I realized that I was enjoying the idea of trading more than making the money. Stocks have given me a sense of purpose since my college program ended. Being perfect isn't realistic it doesn't align with being "human" and I think a lot of people overlook that.
"So many goals we choose in life are just elaborate forms of giving ourselves something to improve on. The improvement is a form of personal fulfillment, and even gives us meaning – plus, there’s the dopamine reward. "
After the democratic processes in Albania in the 90s, I got involved in the social movement for change; I wanted the change even though at that time I was the category of complete people, for the time.
Since that year and until today, I have not rested my work and I have not been paid, but I motivate myself, we have a popular expression fate finds its own ways to go where you wants.
When I started I was a young woman and I didn't understand that the change was for the same beneficiaries, now I'm older, but I tried I worked as hard as I possibly could have!
Modestly, I think that's perfection, like everything in the world has its flaws, but this is the fullness of life.
A really good read this morning and prompt to get on with the self improvement in disguise of writing. My perfectionism manifests in feeling I need to know more, read more , more more etc , but the reality is that just creates less. Thanks
Tim, I will attempt to keep my reply cogent, so I do not talk into next week! I have long struggled with "just get out the gate." I think and think and think and do not act nearly enough. This used to be called "analysis paralysis" and I certainly go through this. You summarized this very well in your piece. I think your ideas are just excellent and I am beginning to make use of them. Substack truly is a marvelous forum for the honorable exchange of ideas and support. The fact that it works for total strangers is truly amazing. I believe in the immense power of the written word. Words, effectively and honorably used, can plant seeds of support and hope. That is my deep desire for myself and for all on Substack who will embrace this. Thank you again, Tim, for your wonderful writing and seeds of action planted. I appreciate it.
"Perfectionism is waiting for the perfect moment until you die."
The point here is that when you chase the perfect moment it never happens. The concept of Perfectionism (like most things) is a paradox. If you've found a contradiction then that's intentional.
Error in your headline (’you’ instead of ‘your’) shows you practise what you preach...
Ahhh so embarrassing. I've fixed it now Robin. Sometimes I love that I'm still an amateur. Do you know the feeling?
On the plus side, it shows authenticity and a lack of reliance on sterilized AI.
This resonates on so many levels … it occurs for me exactly as you described ; addiction. It feels controlling that it’s embarrassing to admit it for fear of judgement. I am suppose to be stronger , how come I can’t just overcome this , it seems very easy, but yet the paralysis sets in and there I am (without action) . I appreciate the reference to doing things at a high speed pace! I’ll give it a go today !
Why do we get embarrassed about these things Rosemary?
Embarrassment arising after being vulnerable and making the mistake of sharing my issue with others. From their concern comes the coaching ; just focus, it’s not that hard, and the endless stories of them being inaction and able to get moving. I was able to make progress yesterday (1%) and gave my self permission just try doing it half ass ( knowing my half ass is more ) . I appreciate your articles Tim. You’re the right voice my ears need to hear! Ty!
I really suffered from this early on in my coaching career. I started a wordpress site over 10 years ago so I can write health and fitness articles. But I always wanted to make sure it was so on point that nobody could argue it or say I missed something. Then it got worse as social media became more prominent, making me feel like I had to be so perfect, even the keyboard warriors couldn't find an error (we all know that's impossible). It took all these years for me to reach the IDGAF attitude!
Keith, did you ever launch the Wordpress blog? Are you doing social media now?
Yes, but I never posted any articles. Just blogged my own training (it was kinda the thing back then). It’s gone now I think. I use instagram mainly now.
Lack of basics is the bottleneck. It's about being controlled by standards. I can't be anyone, there's no meaning.
Thank you for making me think.
Why do we live by other people's standards though?
Why not raise our own standards instead?
It is an environmental structure.
In the beginning, we learn from those around us, so the deeper the penetration, the longer it will take to reform, but it's great to be able to take on challenges freely.
Loved listening to your article Tim. Your expressive narration brings the lessons to life!
I am a recovering perfectionist- so many years passed me by while I was waiting and obsessing over silly details - that absolutely no one cared about.
This quote is so very true!
"Dan Koe sums it up better than I can:
You think you're fighting other's opinions when you're just a slave to your own"
Thanks Tim - you are teaching me so much and things are starting to click into place. I say: 'bleep bleep' every day 🌺
I love Janet that you've seen the error in your ways. Without self-awareness we can never move forward. And slowly you're becoming unstoppable. What's next?
Continue working on being 1% better each day 🦋
Thanks Tim - also for the recent nudge to finally get started. Just published my Substack finally and replaced my Swiss desire for a „perfect“ outcome with the Aussie approach of finding „pleasure“ along the journey.
Haha love it Gunnar. How are you finding Substack? Are people reading your stuff?
People started to read indeed. I enjoy, it‘s different than Medium, more engaging with Notes like Twitter. More creative having own publications. Thanks for pointing me to it.
There is so much to unpack here. As usually, I look at everything through the lens of a 30-plus years as an educator. To this day I still think I could have been so much better as a teacher. But time, money, stamina...too many things stood in my way, so I never became as "good" as I wanted. Well, not according to the messages from my students, telling me in detail all they remember that I taught them.
What's ironic to me is that one of the areas I loved to work with students was either no pay or severely underpaid. But I loved getting my theater students to aim for the best performance possible. I would tell them - shoot for the stars when you're on the stage. You ay not get there, but you will be so much closer than if you didn't "take the shot."
And so many years of being on the sidelines until I read enough, wrote enough, practiced enough. I'm putting it all on the table right now during my "bucket list decade." No more waiting...which reminds me, I need to collect all these leadership articles and then apply the principles (or lack thereof) to the classroom and the inevitable change that needs to happen in education. I can't wait any longer to do this. Education is desperately in need of systemic overhaul, and I want to lead the way.
Linda, education is close my heart as my mother was a teacher. I have turned education upside down with my academy. It's more of a rebellion than an academy lol.
What does your bucket decade look like?
Hi Tim - first of all, congrats on what you're achieving at BadAssery. It's made a difference in my life. My Bucket List started with July 75th birthday: publish my hospice book (August 23 done), first trip to Europe (October done), start learning and writing every day (end of last year, continuing now through the Academy), travel more (Tucson for some warmth in March/April - and writing on the road) - plus whatever I feel like doing. A lot of my writing revolves around grief - talked to my first remembrance group of hospice this last Sunday (a very tough gig). I'm thinking of taking a prompt from yesterday's templates and turning it around - "The Lighter Side of Grief" - hopefully by next week. Basically in this decade I want to change how history is taught/not taught and look at correcting the biases. I have contemplated starting an online course, but there's a lot to think and research in doing that. Mostly, though, I jump head-first and figure it out as I tread water - or plummet head-first, hoping I don't hit bottom while I'm engrossed in thinking. Thank you for everything you do, and the morality behind it all. Linda.
I liked this one
Alex, your Substack profile GIF is making me sick. I'd change it. No one can even see the logo.
What about this essay resonated?
I know right? Unfortunately/fortunately, I am a whore for subscribers.
I think I struggle with perfectionism a lot. And I get scared to ship things before I am obsessed with them. Which has caused me to only do one post every other month on Substack ha
Nice article Tim, I agree with you f^ck perfectionism, it can be a bane to your existence. For a while I was afraid of failure but the older, I got, I learned to get over it. At 55 I have just started a freelance writing career and I have some family members that are not happy about it, one of them has gone of their way to tell me I will fail, which I might but it is not going to be because of a lack of trying. Thank you, Tim.,
Stephen, love the courage for you to try a new career. Question: where do you get freelance clients from?
Hi Tim, I have not crossed that point as of yet, I do most of my writing on Medium and have been able to make a little money. I have been working on getting my LinkedIn page up to speed, basically I am a rookie, looking into breaking into the big leagues. I have a lot of work to do, Thank you and have a good one.
This part stuck with me the most out of the entire article. I think thats why I started trading stocks. I realized that I was enjoying the idea of trading more than making the money. Stocks have given me a sense of purpose since my college program ended. Being perfect isn't realistic it doesn't align with being "human" and I think a lot of people overlook that.
"So many goals we choose in life are just elaborate forms of giving ourselves something to improve on. The improvement is a form of personal fulfillment, and even gives us meaning – plus, there’s the dopamine reward. "
Making money often isn't the goal. How's the stock trading going Samuel?
I just started back trading so taking it really slow. Trying to trade the higher beta stocks.
After the democratic processes in Albania in the 90s, I got involved in the social movement for change; I wanted the change even though at that time I was the category of complete people, for the time.
Since that year and until today, I have not rested my work and I have not been paid, but I motivate myself, we have a popular expression fate finds its own ways to go where you wants.
When I started I was a young woman and I didn't understand that the change was for the same beneficiaries, now I'm older, but I tried I worked as hard as I possibly could have!
Modestly, I think that's perfection, like everything in the world has its flaws, but this is the fullness of life.
Ermira, can you share more about your part in the social movement? What did you do? Did the movement win?
A really good read this morning and prompt to get on with the self improvement in disguise of writing. My perfectionism manifests in feeling I need to know more, read more , more more etc , but the reality is that just creates less. Thanks
I like to start my day with making instead of managing. Have you heard of this concept Susan?
I have and will apply it more , you are an inspiration 🙏🏻
Good grief, I gotta write this all down...absolutely what I go through. Thank you, Tim!
We all go through it at some point Wendy. What part of perfectionism has got you by the throat?
Tim, I will attempt to keep my reply cogent, so I do not talk into next week! I have long struggled with "just get out the gate." I think and think and think and do not act nearly enough. This used to be called "analysis paralysis" and I certainly go through this. You summarized this very well in your piece. I think your ideas are just excellent and I am beginning to make use of them. Substack truly is a marvelous forum for the honorable exchange of ideas and support. The fact that it works for total strangers is truly amazing. I believe in the immense power of the written word. Words, effectively and honorably used, can plant seeds of support and hope. That is my deep desire for myself and for all on Substack who will embrace this. Thank you again, Tim, for your wonderful writing and seeds of action planted. I appreciate it.
Thanks so much for posting such a great article.
I was kind of a perfectionist.
It makes me less stressed.
But I've found two phrases that makes me difficult understanding which I think those are exclusive each other.
- Perfectionism makes us impatient.
- Perfectionism is waiting for the perfect moment until you die.
Could you kindly elaborate on these two phrases?
Thanks
Hey Tony, here's my answer.
"Perfectionism is waiting for the perfect moment until you die."
The point here is that when you chase the perfect moment it never happens. The concept of Perfectionism (like most things) is a paradox. If you've found a contradiction then that's intentional.
What about the `Perfectionism makes us impatient.`?
Why does it make us impatient? On the contrary, doesn't it wait too much?
Tim, I can't tell you when perfectionism affected my actions. I'm not a perfectionist. Things won't get themselves done unless I get them done.
Haha makes sense.
Win the war in YOU head?
An unfortunate error that's now corrected. Any other errors?