I really suffered from this early on in my coaching career. I started a wordpress site over 10 years ago so I can write health and fitness articles. But I always wanted to make sure it was so on point that nobody could argue it or say I missed something. Then it got worse as social media became more prominent, making me feel like I had to be so perfect, even the keyboard warriors couldn't find an error (we all know that's impossible). It took all these years for me to reach the IDGAF attitude!
This resonates on so many levels … it occurs for me exactly as you described ; addiction. It feels controlling that it’s embarrassing to admit it for fear of judgement. I am suppose to be stronger , how come I can’t just overcome this , it seems very easy, but yet the paralysis sets in and there I am (without action) . I appreciate the reference to doing things at a high speed pace! I’ll give it a go today !
Thanks Tim - also for the recent nudge to finally get started. Just published my Substack finally and replaced my Swiss desire for a „perfect“ outcome with the Aussie approach of finding „pleasure“ along the journey.
There is so much to unpack here. As usually, I look at everything through the lens of a 30-plus years as an educator. To this day I still think I could have been so much better as a teacher. But time, money, stamina...too many things stood in my way, so I never became as "good" as I wanted. Well, not according to the messages from my students, telling me in detail all they remember that I taught them.
What's ironic to me is that one of the areas I loved to work with students was either no pay or severely underpaid. But I loved getting my theater students to aim for the best performance possible. I would tell them - shoot for the stars when you're on the stage. You ay not get there, but you will be so much closer than if you didn't "take the shot."
And so many years of being on the sidelines until I read enough, wrote enough, practiced enough. I'm putting it all on the table right now during my "bucket list decade." No more waiting...which reminds me, I need to collect all these leadership articles and then apply the principles (or lack thereof) to the classroom and the inevitable change that needs to happen in education. I can't wait any longer to do this. Education is desperately in need of systemic overhaul, and I want to lead the way.
Great article, I really enjoy it. What is problematic is often that it indeed is one's own mind that is the killer here of a more iterative, experimential life. And for that it is not always that easy to let go of those thoughts of 'I need to make it perfect' because we first need to find them wothin us instead of searching everyone and everything outside of us as the caise of why we are stuck in it. But you are right, at least from my own experience - when I speed things up, when O set myself forcing functions for projects, I dont even have time to think of anything else than execution and things flow much better - line switchibg a toggle - einther in low-mode sitthing and thinking or in high-mode, moving and getting sh** done :)
Nice article Tim, I agree with you f^ck perfectionism, it can be a bane to your existence. For a while I was afraid of failure but the older, I got, I learned to get over it. At 55 I have just started a freelance writing career and I have some family members that are not happy about it, one of them has gone of their way to tell me I will fail, which I might but it is not going to be because of a lack of trying. Thank you, Tim.,
I often feel like there are two personas within me struggling for control.
On one hand, I fully comprehend the necessity of earnest effort and establishing a means of livelihood, a profession uniquely mine. I grasp this reality.
However, there's an internal discord where another aspect of myself seems oblivious to these responsibilities.
It's akin to having dual consciousness. I continually remind myself, or perhaps this other facet of my mind, that my life is about serious business, not to be taken lightly. Yet, for this other persona, everything appears to be a jest—nothing consequential, no diligent effort, no purposeful endeavor.
It's as if I'm deceiving myself, playing a charade of productivity.
I fear being perceived as lacking in resolve, discipline, or direction—unable to pursue objectives autonomously. It's unsettling to contemplate that perhaps I'm not cut out for this, that my nature inclines more towards compliance, merely executing tasks as instructed, adhering to a structured employment model.
The apprehension of not embodying the entrepreneurial spirit, the self-made achiever, gnaws at me.
I must reframe my perspective, shedding this limiting mindset. I must emulate the practices of those who have triumphed.
I must rise early and diligently devote myself to my enterprise during allotted hours, irrespective of its nature or focus. I must carefully select my field of endeavor, niche, and sub-niche, and commit to daily progress—for myself, by myself.
Otherwise, I risk languishing in mediocrity, devoid of purpose or security.
The imperative for emancipation from these self-imposed constraints grows ever more urgent.
This part stuck with me the most out of the entire article. I think thats why I started trading stocks. I realized that I was enjoying the idea of trading more than making the money. Stocks have given me a sense of purpose since my college program ended. Being perfect isn't realistic it doesn't align with being "human" and I think a lot of people overlook that.
"So many goals we choose in life are just elaborate forms of giving ourselves something to improve on. The improvement is a form of personal fulfillment, and even gives us meaning – plus, there’s the dopamine reward. "
After the democratic processes in Albania in the 90s, I got involved in the social movement for change; I wanted the change even though at that time I was the category of complete people, for the time.
Since that year and until today, I have not rested my work and I have not been paid, but I motivate myself, we have a popular expression fate finds its own ways to go where you wants.
When I started I was a young woman and I didn't understand that the change was for the same beneficiaries, now I'm older, but I tried I worked as hard as I possibly could have!
Modestly, I think that's perfection, like everything in the world has its flaws, but this is the fullness of life.
A really good read this morning and prompt to get on with the self improvement in disguise of writing. My perfectionism manifests in feeling I need to know more, read more , more more etc , but the reality is that just creates less. Thanks
Error in your headline (’you’ instead of ‘your’) shows you practise what you preach...
I really suffered from this early on in my coaching career. I started a wordpress site over 10 years ago so I can write health and fitness articles. But I always wanted to make sure it was so on point that nobody could argue it or say I missed something. Then it got worse as social media became more prominent, making me feel like I had to be so perfect, even the keyboard warriors couldn't find an error (we all know that's impossible). It took all these years for me to reach the IDGAF attitude!
This resonates on so many levels … it occurs for me exactly as you described ; addiction. It feels controlling that it’s embarrassing to admit it for fear of judgement. I am suppose to be stronger , how come I can’t just overcome this , it seems very easy, but yet the paralysis sets in and there I am (without action) . I appreciate the reference to doing things at a high speed pace! I’ll give it a go today !
Thanks Tim - also for the recent nudge to finally get started. Just published my Substack finally and replaced my Swiss desire for a „perfect“ outcome with the Aussie approach of finding „pleasure“ along the journey.
Lack of basics is the bottleneck. It's about being controlled by standards. I can't be anyone, there's no meaning.
Thank you for making me think.
Loved listening to your article Tim. Your expressive narration brings the lessons to life!
I am a recovering perfectionist- so many years passed me by while I was waiting and obsessing over silly details - that absolutely no one cared about.
This quote is so very true!
"Dan Koe sums it up better than I can:
You think you're fighting other's opinions when you're just a slave to your own"
Thanks Tim - you are teaching me so much and things are starting to click into place. I say: 'bleep bleep' every day 🌺
There is so much to unpack here. As usually, I look at everything through the lens of a 30-plus years as an educator. To this day I still think I could have been so much better as a teacher. But time, money, stamina...too many things stood in my way, so I never became as "good" as I wanted. Well, not according to the messages from my students, telling me in detail all they remember that I taught them.
What's ironic to me is that one of the areas I loved to work with students was either no pay or severely underpaid. But I loved getting my theater students to aim for the best performance possible. I would tell them - shoot for the stars when you're on the stage. You ay not get there, but you will be so much closer than if you didn't "take the shot."
And so many years of being on the sidelines until I read enough, wrote enough, practiced enough. I'm putting it all on the table right now during my "bucket list decade." No more waiting...which reminds me, I need to collect all these leadership articles and then apply the principles (or lack thereof) to the classroom and the inevitable change that needs to happen in education. I can't wait any longer to do this. Education is desperately in need of systemic overhaul, and I want to lead the way.
Great article, I really enjoy it. What is problematic is often that it indeed is one's own mind that is the killer here of a more iterative, experimential life. And for that it is not always that easy to let go of those thoughts of 'I need to make it perfect' because we first need to find them wothin us instead of searching everyone and everything outside of us as the caise of why we are stuck in it. But you are right, at least from my own experience - when I speed things up, when O set myself forcing functions for projects, I dont even have time to think of anything else than execution and things flow much better - line switchibg a toggle - einther in low-mode sitthing and thinking or in high-mode, moving and getting sh** done :)
I liked this one
Nice article Tim, I agree with you f^ck perfectionism, it can be a bane to your existence. For a while I was afraid of failure but the older, I got, I learned to get over it. At 55 I have just started a freelance writing career and I have some family members that are not happy about it, one of them has gone of their way to tell me I will fail, which I might but it is not going to be because of a lack of trying. Thank you, Tim.,
I often feel like there are two personas within me struggling for control.
On one hand, I fully comprehend the necessity of earnest effort and establishing a means of livelihood, a profession uniquely mine. I grasp this reality.
However, there's an internal discord where another aspect of myself seems oblivious to these responsibilities.
It's akin to having dual consciousness. I continually remind myself, or perhaps this other facet of my mind, that my life is about serious business, not to be taken lightly. Yet, for this other persona, everything appears to be a jest—nothing consequential, no diligent effort, no purposeful endeavor.
It's as if I'm deceiving myself, playing a charade of productivity.
I fear being perceived as lacking in resolve, discipline, or direction—unable to pursue objectives autonomously. It's unsettling to contemplate that perhaps I'm not cut out for this, that my nature inclines more towards compliance, merely executing tasks as instructed, adhering to a structured employment model.
The apprehension of not embodying the entrepreneurial spirit, the self-made achiever, gnaws at me.
I must reframe my perspective, shedding this limiting mindset. I must emulate the practices of those who have triumphed.
I must rise early and diligently devote myself to my enterprise during allotted hours, irrespective of its nature or focus. I must carefully select my field of endeavor, niche, and sub-niche, and commit to daily progress—for myself, by myself.
Otherwise, I risk languishing in mediocrity, devoid of purpose or security.
The imperative for emancipation from these self-imposed constraints grows ever more urgent.
I must demand freedom from within.
This part stuck with me the most out of the entire article. I think thats why I started trading stocks. I realized that I was enjoying the idea of trading more than making the money. Stocks have given me a sense of purpose since my college program ended. Being perfect isn't realistic it doesn't align with being "human" and I think a lot of people overlook that.
"So many goals we choose in life are just elaborate forms of giving ourselves something to improve on. The improvement is a form of personal fulfillment, and even gives us meaning – plus, there’s the dopamine reward. "
After the democratic processes in Albania in the 90s, I got involved in the social movement for change; I wanted the change even though at that time I was the category of complete people, for the time.
Since that year and until today, I have not rested my work and I have not been paid, but I motivate myself, we have a popular expression fate finds its own ways to go where you wants.
When I started I was a young woman and I didn't understand that the change was for the same beneficiaries, now I'm older, but I tried I worked as hard as I possibly could have!
Modestly, I think that's perfection, like everything in the world has its flaws, but this is the fullness of life.
A really good read this morning and prompt to get on with the self improvement in disguise of writing. My perfectionism manifests in feeling I need to know more, read more , more more etc , but the reality is that just creates less. Thanks
Good grief, I gotta write this all down...absolutely what I go through. Thank you, Tim!
Thanks so much for posting such a great article.
I was kind of a perfectionist.
It makes me less stressed.
But I've found two phrases that makes me difficult understanding which I think those are exclusive each other.
- Perfectionism makes us impatient.
- Perfectionism is waiting for the perfect moment until you die.
Could you kindly elaborate on these two phrases?
Thanks