“You can either remain a slave to the code written in your head, or you can go through the painful experience of learning it, deconstructing it, and reprogramming it.”
Tim, congrats on your transformation a decade ago.
I used to think that kids absorb all they see and hear like a sponge. Last year, I realized that adults do, too. A guy I started to hang out with invests in real estate. I've never bought a single property and am scared sh*tless of debt (never had debt in life).
But.
Just because he talks about real estate all the time, I started looking for investing opportunities too. Locally, where I live. Jeez, adults copy each other's behavior, too. So we really ARE the average of the five people we spend time with.
I'm looking for a good deal. Victor (the real estate guy) says it pays off to buy properties near a university in the city and rent individual rooms to students. Makes a far better ROI. Problem is, the current interest rates leave a lot to be desired. I've visited 4 apartments so far but the prices and mortgages suggest I'll have a negative cash flow for years, even with a 30-40% downpayment. I'll keep looking but if there're no good deals, I'll sit and wait.
Yep. My father always said, "They're not making anymore land." He was a tenant farmer's son who was the largest landowner in his county when he died at 90 1/2. He was days away from moving back to a farm he'd just bought for the third time (another story!).
Thank you for asking. I'll have to give it some thought. One reason it's taken me awhile to reply to this is that it made me think about just how much I don't know about my parents, especially in their young married years. And then, I had to wonder who I could ask who might know more stories as most, if not all of their contemporaries are gone.
But, I will think about it ... and I will ask some cousins.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately and particularly yesterday. It was a roller coaster day with too many troughs. But, as my friend/business advisor and I chatted, I felt myself being dragged down by the negativity and defeatism and was reminded of that "5-person rule."
“the average of 5”, a rule that states that you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Makes you really think about who those five are now and if they are serving you in being the person you want to be, reaching the goals you have, sharing knowledge, love, values.
Facing death was not something I had considered. This one changed my life and therefore my thinking. The other point I’d add to yours is it’s never too late to change. In terms of age, many would consider me quite old but I don’t feel old - I feel alive!!
Oh my whole life has changed and while dealing with cancer, broken relationships and leaving my well paid job has been shite to put it bluntly, I’ve never been happier or more optimistic then I am now. It’s all in your attitude and enjoying, not enduring what life brings you.
Your belief affects your thoughts and actions. You may have negative beliefs but do not realise it. Write down your beliefs regularly and note what needs to be changed.
The work of Dr Joe Dispenza suggests that mental health can be transformative for physical health. I remain skeptical of the televangelist style transformations he claims to have inspired but interestingly so does he and the science seems to make sense to enough of a degree to keep me intrigued.
When covid hit, I was at my lowest point. It was a miserable time in my life, as the suffocation of quarantine was only exemplified by the people I was with.
It was also the time when I took up my passion for writing seriously. Had I not gone through the struggles that I did, I would have not reached the point that I had, and this was all through shifting my perspective.
I couldn't agree more with programming the mind. Even a bitter moment can be turned bittersweet with the write mindset. Thank you for this, It's a great reminder to work internally before making changes externally :)
I write for fun through journaling as well as personal essays I like to post here on this platform. Since shifting my perspective on life, I have seen a thorough improvement. :)
You are right, it is true that we need to reprogram our limiting beliefs to have a better life. I was actually working on a piece about this topic just this morning after a call with my life coach. When you have been through trauma, there are often limiting beliefs from childhood that hold you back, and you don't even consciously realize that you believe the things you do.
I got an NLP certification last year that deals with reprograming the subconscious mind. Just like you learn to function the way you have for years, you can learn to do something differently too. The problem is, we often go through a lot of guilt and self-blame when something goes wrong.
The way you accepted the loss of that $1.2M is something we can all learn to replicate in our own lives when we lose something that we are holding dear. If it is a home, car, job, relationship or whatever else. We can learn to move forward and realize that loss happens, then to cope with it. If we get stuck in a self-blame narrative (as we easily can) then we never move forward.
Kudos to you on so much success in your mental health journey, it shows others that we can change our thinking too, in order to get free.
Nicole, I believe it's called inner child. I am still limited by multiple losses in my life. But once you're aware of this programming it's possible to reduce the impact. Do you find the same?
Yes, it is doing inner child work. I have done quite a bit in the past. It was just a startling realization the other day that I still have more work to do. I hadn't realized that the past was still impacting me so much. I think, when we become conscious of these patterns, we can work to reduce the impact they have in our lives.
Very useful - even after years of work on this - to be reminded that I, and only I, can control my inner voice. That only I can change the dial. Nice one, Tim. Thank you.
Thanks Tim, I needed this. I used to have a very strong positive mental attitude but over time, if you don't make a conscious effort to work on keeping it there, the negativity starts to creep in.
This brought to my attention that I'd started to listen to the crap going on in my head. Time to get back to work on building positive self-talk and tell the negative talk "Thanks for sharing but I believe something very different".
Tim, congrats on your transformation a decade ago.
I used to think that kids absorb all they see and hear like a sponge. Last year, I realized that adults do, too. A guy I started to hang out with invests in real estate. I've never bought a single property and am scared sh*tless of debt (never had debt in life).
But.
Just because he talks about real estate all the time, I started looking for investing opportunities too. Locally, where I live. Jeez, adults copy each other's behavior, too. So we really ARE the average of the five people we spend time with.
This is my biggest takeaway from 2023.
Love hearing this Denis. So will you be investing in real estate? Any lessons learned so far?
I'm looking for a good deal. Victor (the real estate guy) says it pays off to buy properties near a university in the city and rent individual rooms to students. Makes a far better ROI. Problem is, the current interest rates leave a lot to be desired. I've visited 4 apartments so far but the prices and mortgages suggest I'll have a negative cash flow for years, even with a 30-40% downpayment. I'll keep looking but if there're no good deals, I'll sit and wait.
How about buying something with land?
My mentor always says "land appreciates, buildings depreciate."
Yep. My father always said, "They're not making anymore land." He was a tenant farmer's son who was the largest landowner in his county when he died at 90 1/2. He was days away from moving back to a farm he'd just bought for the third time (another story!).
Smart man he was Lydia. Can you link to more stories of him?
Thank you for asking. I'll have to give it some thought. One reason it's taken me awhile to reply to this is that it made me think about just how much I don't know about my parents, especially in their young married years. And then, I had to wonder who I could ask who might know more stories as most, if not all of their contemporaries are gone.
But, I will think about it ... and I will ask some cousins.
Great point, Tim. I'll give it a think.
You are right, surrounding yourself with people who help you to grow can make such a huge impact!
Glad you see it this way too, Nicole.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately and particularly yesterday. It was a roller coaster day with too many troughs. But, as my friend/business advisor and I chatted, I felt myself being dragged down by the negativity and defeatism and was reminded of that "5-person rule."
What's the 5-person rule Lydia?
“the average of 5”, a rule that states that you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Makes you really think about who those five are now and if they are serving you in being the person you want to be, reaching the goals you have, sharing knowledge, love, values.
Compelling post today and the reason I subscribed. I appreciate the unapologetic honesty, and I agree with much of it.
Thanks Ginger. What part of the essay did you find most helpful?
Fabulous article. Can apply to every addiction, dis-ease and habit!
Betsy, did you get the dis-ease part from Tony Robbins as well?
Facing death was not something I had considered. This one changed my life and therefore my thinking. The other point I’d add to yours is it’s never too late to change. In terms of age, many would consider me quite old but I don’t feel old - I feel alive!!
Age is a feeling. If you focus on energy then you can always feel young. I feel younger in my 30s than I did in my 20s.
So what stops you from changing Karen?
Oh my whole life has changed and while dealing with cancer, broken relationships and leaving my well paid job has been shite to put it bluntly, I’ve never been happier or more optimistic then I am now. It’s all in your attitude and enjoying, not enduring what life brings you.
So tragedy created more optimism, Karen?
Yess! When you work on your mind, everything changes and you become unstoppable. Great article!
You sure do. Any psychology hacks you know Mindy?
I know a few, but the most important thing in my opinion is, as you mentioned, being mindful of our thoughts, feelings, and actions 😊
Yep that's key
Thank you for this. I am making this my morning meditation reading.
That's so cool Lydia. I'm humbled.
What a powerful piece, thanks Tim. Beautiful wisdom and experience shared here.
Thanks Larissa. What part resonated the most with you?
I really like the analogy between physical recovery time and mental recovery time being similar - you can become more match-fit with training.
There’s some great messages throughout and your vulnerability makes for powerful storytelling.
Your belief affects your thoughts and actions. You may have negative beliefs but do not realise it. Write down your beliefs regularly and note what needs to be changed.
A great exercise Ebere. What are your big negative beliefs?
The work of Dr Joe Dispenza suggests that mental health can be transformative for physical health. I remain skeptical of the televangelist style transformations he claims to have inspired but interestingly so does he and the science seems to make sense to enough of a degree to keep me intrigued.
Graeme, Joe's delivery seems off but I rate his teachings highly. A lot of what he says makes sense. Anyone I should read who's similar to Joe?
This is awesome Tim. Program your mind or have it programmed for you. Nice.
Haha I find it to be true.
When covid hit, I was at my lowest point. It was a miserable time in my life, as the suffocation of quarantine was only exemplified by the people I was with.
It was also the time when I took up my passion for writing seriously. Had I not gone through the struggles that I did, I would have not reached the point that I had, and this was all through shifting my perspective.
I couldn't agree more with programming the mind. Even a bitter moment can be turned bittersweet with the write mindset. Thank you for this, It's a great reminder to work internally before making changes externally :)
Awesome story. Where you mostly write now? How are you finding it?
I write for fun through journaling as well as personal essays I like to post here on this platform. Since shifting my perspective on life, I have seen a thorough improvement. :)
I never got into journalling by it makes sense that it'd be powerful. How come you don't write on Medium?
You are right, it is true that we need to reprogram our limiting beliefs to have a better life. I was actually working on a piece about this topic just this morning after a call with my life coach. When you have been through trauma, there are often limiting beliefs from childhood that hold you back, and you don't even consciously realize that you believe the things you do.
I got an NLP certification last year that deals with reprograming the subconscious mind. Just like you learn to function the way you have for years, you can learn to do something differently too. The problem is, we often go through a lot of guilt and self-blame when something goes wrong.
The way you accepted the loss of that $1.2M is something we can all learn to replicate in our own lives when we lose something that we are holding dear. If it is a home, car, job, relationship or whatever else. We can learn to move forward and realize that loss happens, then to cope with it. If we get stuck in a self-blame narrative (as we easily can) then we never move forward.
Kudos to you on so much success in your mental health journey, it shows others that we can change our thinking too, in order to get free.
Thank you.
Nicole, I believe it's called inner child. I am still limited by multiple losses in my life. But once you're aware of this programming it's possible to reduce the impact. Do you find the same?
Yes, it is doing inner child work. I have done quite a bit in the past. It was just a startling realization the other day that I still have more work to do. I hadn't realized that the past was still impacting me so much. I think, when we become conscious of these patterns, we can work to reduce the impact they have in our lives.
This helps on so many levels: thank you.
No probs Elisabeth. What part did you find most helpful?
Very useful - even after years of work on this - to be reminded that I, and only I, can control my inner voice. That only I can change the dial. Nice one, Tim. Thank you.
Yep, that inner voice drives everything.
Thanks Tim, I needed this. I used to have a very strong positive mental attitude but over time, if you don't make a conscious effort to work on keeping it there, the negativity starts to creep in.
This brought to my attention that I'd started to listen to the crap going on in my head. Time to get back to work on building positive self-talk and tell the negative talk "Thanks for sharing but I believe something very different".
Awesome Trevor. What practices or people are you going to follow to help fix this issue? I find building positive self-talk hard.
I learned a long long time ago, that if it's not trying to kill me, I can ignore it.
When I was younger, I took Karate, and my favorite lessons were those that taught me to meditate.
Meditation is how I regulate my dopamine.
Interesting. So you take up fighting but it leads you to a paradox of meditation.
Do you still do karate Joseph?
Tim-
I'm sorry but I can't figure out a logical thread of the ideas in the post.
It seems like a random assortment of platitudes
You generally do much better