Well done, Tim. I see what you did there: "Your self-help tip for today is to not listen to guys like me, who write about self-help for a living. Anyhoo...while you're here, here's what I learned and you should listen to me because I discovered the holy grail of self-help. And it is the opposite of self-help. So yeah, go and run screaming into the night. Embrace the struggle!"
"Nothing succeeds like success."
"Build it and they will come."
"All you have to do is start."
"Find a niche and fill it."
Self-help has been around since the ancient Greeks. Hell, upon closer examination, the cave art of Southwestern France probably has a tip for Grog, Gronk and the boys. It's pervasive. "Self-help" is the Ozempic of the masses. And the biggest problem with self-help is that it is designed to keep you from failing.
But failing is the key to success. I've yet to meet someone who can play a sport at the highest level without having failed at it. I mean, "Golf" spelled backwards is "F-A-I-L-U-R-E." After 50 years as a military officer, then as a progressively successful manufacturing and supply chain operations executive, I've fallen on my face dozens of times. Yeah, getting up and dusting yourself off is fine, but learning from your mistakes is so underrated, because I see, read about or otherwise countenance many so-called influencers daily who don't. And when these influencers are running the government, it's no wonder that we're making the same mistakes that our forebears made, and their forebears made, ad nauseam.
I've lived a life. I like to tell my students that I make more mistakes by 8am than most people make in a day. I'm the Edison of failure. I'm the poster boy of failure. Under the word "failure" in the dictionary...you get it. But that's the point. Nobody listens to me because I'm not a billionaire. I'm not flashy. I'm not famous, Tick-Tocky-famous, anyway.
No self-help book is going to help you. "Inspire" you, maybe. "Motivate" you? Possibly. But you have to get up each day, even when you don't want to, and do what you have to do. "Luck favors the prepared" is about the best I can do.
Whether Tim wrote it from the heart or tongue-in-cheek is irrelevant; you have to do what you have to do. Period.
I cannot say that most (or even many) do. But one thing that stuck with me after my four years at the Naval Academy and then as CO of a minesweeper in Vietnam was "repetition." We had to practice things -- many of them hinging on "life or death" decisions -- so often that we could do them in our sleep. Came in handy a few times. And it transferred to my business career, as well. Fortunately (or not), creativity and innovation have very few proponents in the chain of command. Probably one of the reasons I didn't make the military a career. I had ideas in business that I wanted to work on and implement; it got easier as I rose through the ranks. Making mistakes was frowned upon by the old guard of the '70's and '80's, but when us Boomers got our chance to lead, things started breaking our way. And it probably was no coincidence that entrepreneurism took off when we were mostly in our 30's. As I got into continuous improvement, I could hone my problem solving skills with the ones I learned in the military to create new ways of making and distribuiting raw materials and products.
Excellent Tim and as well as being absolutely correct in my experience, many of your points are very funny. The best piece of advice I was ever given was from a good friend who simply said "No victim shit please" when I was on yet another whinge about the hardships in my life. I was very angry but went home, thought on his words and started to work on me..... I have never looked back 😊
Great, common-sense advice. If you reading someone’s book for help, it is not self-help: it somebody’s else’s attempt to help you.
And your experience with the sanitizing editor’s offer to turn you into a ChatGPT clone reminds me of an anecdote from Dreyer’s English (great and entaining writing advice) where a pedantic copy-editor changed a famous thriller writer’s line, “Do you want to come in? he smiled, “ to: “Do you want to come in? he said, and smiled,” which resulted in an irate visit to the editor’s office by the author. (The same Grammar Nazi will probably correct me to say the visit cannot be ‘irate’- it should read, “… which resulted in a visit by the the irate author…” .)
"Everyone wants you to follow “the rules” so they can feel good about themselves. So they can make you conform and feel better about the bad decisions they’ve made."
Inconvenient truth...? The phrase and idea of "work-life" balance is Bullshit. It's all 'life'.
Think of it on a scale... what happens when we get too much 'life' and not enough 'work'... (flawed equation) and bullshit statement. ;)
Your first point in the article hits the nail on the head, Tim. I'm in my early 20s myself, and most of my generation have been spoon fed a glamorised version of reality. The result of this is that each of us are attached to a set of expectations about life, not realising that we can't just work a little hard in the hope that those expectations will come true because life is unpredictable and nothing is guaranteed. One should instead take complete ownership of the hell that life throws at them, with gratitude for what one already has, and be open to whatever fruits the future bears for taking full responsibility in the moment. Granted this thinking does involve faith in a higher power for me, but I'm convinced anyone who takes on this approach will come to agree with it. Life is hard and the whole point of it is to do your best with what comes your way. If you just do that and let go of your FOMO, then you're bound to have a fulfilling journey.
Wait. What? All those books, audios, mantras, not going to work?
100% agree. Only you can move you. Anything else will be short lived and temporary. Take the long road, the long game. Why race to the finish when the finish is the end? It's the long game that will free you and reward you, whatever you seek.
I think that people should listen to these great truths. Imperfection and inconvenience are the natural lot of life.
Achievements, the glaring lights and quality can made with difficulty but we can be happy in the midst of inconveniences, as a a compensation for this inconvenience which we admited against our itself. A real mastery full of excitement and color!
Many aspect of the piece, but most significannt for me:
1) The opening quote...don't know how anyone would be "just fine" with that outcome, so a good reminder/impetus to do your upmost to become as close as to the "person you could have become"
2) The struggle of life - completely agree; one's trials and tribulations and how they are dealt with shape who we all are...there are a multitude of paths that one can take (eg: your further point regarding "complaining"). From my perspective, struggles are one of the best things about life even though at the time they may seem an annoyance. Ultimately, they have the effect of forcing change and this should be embraced. I have been broken by life on several occasions by extreneous "curveballs" - they suck at the time, but as my Father would say in his ex-pat British way: "You've just got to get on with it..." My translation: there's not enough time to dwell on things, just move on.
3) No Company is your Family - nope, not even in the slightest sense. The only benefit is experience that you can then leverage to another company or your own gig. But you can make lifelong friends along the way, some of whom will remain such and others will fall by the wayside for a variety of reasons.
4) On the subject of complaining, it is basically an utter waste of time and energy. Unless it is something that materially effects my day to day life and something can actually be done about it, I have adopted the simple "so what" tactic and throw it in the mental bin immdediately. Per above, just move on (and as you say).
5) Being smart is often a curse - this stood out the most for me and is right on point. I have spent the last ~18 mos trying to distill/make the necessary changes from an ultimately terminal illness diagnosis. I have anaylyzed it in every which way trying to come up with systems and processes as to how I incorporate this change into my life. All I have come back to is simple basics: do the things I can control to an obsessive degree (health, fitness, diet, ruthless appointments with the right docs, etc) because barring that, its going to run its course regardless and as long as I can prolong things as long as possible, then I've done all I can do...so be it. The outcome will be what it will be.
A huge side benefit of this is that it spills over to how I need to be treating or changing all aspects of my life - work, travel, experiences, family, friends, etc. But after researching and experimenting with the systems, it does just come back to keeping things simple and being utterly consistent.
Well, you opened a can of worms with your question!
By the way, this is actually Adrian Watkins (we have exchanged messages before); I recently chose to write under a pseudonym (long story).
There are only three people I listen to. First is Acharya Prashant, second is Shane Parrish and third is You. You three say the same things over and over. you people build my mind (daily) and teach me the right way to live. Unlike others you never show something shiny, filmy or golden.
I loved the line, "The most argumentative people rarely persuade anyone of anything." This reminded me of my old self. The post is more realistic than most of the dreamy power packed motivational posts that just increase your blook pressure and inflate your ego, thanks Tim for the post.
Well done, Tim. I see what you did there: "Your self-help tip for today is to not listen to guys like me, who write about self-help for a living. Anyhoo...while you're here, here's what I learned and you should listen to me because I discovered the holy grail of self-help. And it is the opposite of self-help. So yeah, go and run screaming into the night. Embrace the struggle!"
"Nothing succeeds like success."
"Build it and they will come."
"All you have to do is start."
"Find a niche and fill it."
Self-help has been around since the ancient Greeks. Hell, upon closer examination, the cave art of Southwestern France probably has a tip for Grog, Gronk and the boys. It's pervasive. "Self-help" is the Ozempic of the masses. And the biggest problem with self-help is that it is designed to keep you from failing.
But failing is the key to success. I've yet to meet someone who can play a sport at the highest level without having failed at it. I mean, "Golf" spelled backwards is "F-A-I-L-U-R-E." After 50 years as a military officer, then as a progressively successful manufacturing and supply chain operations executive, I've fallen on my face dozens of times. Yeah, getting up and dusting yourself off is fine, but learning from your mistakes is so underrated, because I see, read about or otherwise countenance many so-called influencers daily who don't. And when these influencers are running the government, it's no wonder that we're making the same mistakes that our forebears made, and their forebears made, ad nauseam.
I've lived a life. I like to tell my students that I make more mistakes by 8am than most people make in a day. I'm the Edison of failure. I'm the poster boy of failure. Under the word "failure" in the dictionary...you get it. But that's the point. Nobody listens to me because I'm not a billionaire. I'm not flashy. I'm not famous, Tick-Tocky-famous, anyway.
No self-help book is going to help you. "Inspire" you, maybe. "Motivate" you? Possibly. But you have to get up each day, even when you don't want to, and do what you have to do. "Luck favors the prepared" is about the best I can do.
Whether Tim wrote it from the heart or tongue-in-cheek is irrelevant; you have to do what you have to do. Period.
Great history lesson John. Why is it that people who have a military background later do so well in business?
I cannot say that most (or even many) do. But one thing that stuck with me after my four years at the Naval Academy and then as CO of a minesweeper in Vietnam was "repetition." We had to practice things -- many of them hinging on "life or death" decisions -- so often that we could do them in our sleep. Came in handy a few times. And it transferred to my business career, as well. Fortunately (or not), creativity and innovation have very few proponents in the chain of command. Probably one of the reasons I didn't make the military a career. I had ideas in business that I wanted to work on and implement; it got easier as I rose through the ranks. Making mistakes was frowned upon by the old guard of the '70's and '80's, but when us Boomers got our chance to lead, things started breaking our way. And it probably was no coincidence that entrepreneurism took off when we were mostly in our 30's. As I got into continuous improvement, I could hone my problem solving skills with the ones I learned in the military to create new ways of making and distribuiting raw materials and products.
Does that mean you looked for landmines in Vietnam John?
Luck favours the Prepared. Brilliant. Wrote that down in large block capitals.
Failure is the key to success. Start. It’s ALL here in front of me on an A4 sheet. Many thanks.
Love that quote too Kevin.
Such a great comment. I read it twice.
Me too Kevin.
Excellent Tim and as well as being absolutely correct in my experience, many of your points are very funny. The best piece of advice I was ever given was from a good friend who simply said "No victim shit please" when I was on yet another whinge about the hardships in my life. I was very angry but went home, thought on his words and started to work on me..... I have never looked back 😊
I'm gonna steal that line Alison. When I say things like that, though, people get offended. What the hell do I do?
Great, common-sense advice. If you reading someone’s book for help, it is not self-help: it somebody’s else’s attempt to help you.
And your experience with the sanitizing editor’s offer to turn you into a ChatGPT clone reminds me of an anecdote from Dreyer’s English (great and entaining writing advice) where a pedantic copy-editor changed a famous thriller writer’s line, “Do you want to come in? he smiled, “ to: “Do you want to come in? he said, and smiled,” which resulted in an irate visit to the editor’s office by the author. (The same Grammar Nazi will probably correct me to say the visit cannot be ‘irate’- it should read, “… which resulted in a visit by the the irate author…” .)
Avoiding grammar rules makes your writing look different. Remind me Robin, are you writing anywhere?
No- only traditional writing outside the online world. I am busy assessing platforms, and where and how I may have anything useful to contribute.
Great line right there Tim 👇
"Everyone wants you to follow “the rules” so they can feel good about themselves. So they can make you conform and feel better about the bad decisions they’ve made."
Inconvenient truth...? The phrase and idea of "work-life" balance is Bullshit. It's all 'life'.
Think of it on a scale... what happens when we get too much 'life' and not enough 'work'... (flawed equation) and bullshit statement. ;)
Do you feel like you follow the rules most of the time David? Or are you an outlier?
my page here on Substack is called Box Cutter.... https://www.boxcutter.co/
Not so good with the rules. ;)
Thanks for sharing David.
Your first point in the article hits the nail on the head, Tim. I'm in my early 20s myself, and most of my generation have been spoon fed a glamorised version of reality. The result of this is that each of us are attached to a set of expectations about life, not realising that we can't just work a little hard in the hope that those expectations will come true because life is unpredictable and nothing is guaranteed. One should instead take complete ownership of the hell that life throws at them, with gratitude for what one already has, and be open to whatever fruits the future bears for taking full responsibility in the moment. Granted this thinking does involve faith in a higher power for me, but I'm convinced anyone who takes on this approach will come to agree with it. Life is hard and the whole point of it is to do your best with what comes your way. If you just do that and let go of your FOMO, then you're bound to have a fulfilling journey.
Hamza, I don't believe in a god but I do believe in higher states of consciousness. I think we're more connected than we realize. Would you agree?
Wait. What? All those books, audios, mantras, not going to work?
100% agree. Only you can move you. Anything else will be short lived and temporary. Take the long road, the long game. Why race to the finish when the finish is the end? It's the long game that will free you and reward you, whatever you seek.
What works Jeff is taking action and learning from yourself. Would you agree?
I think that people should listen to these great truths. Imperfection and inconvenience are the natural lot of life.
Achievements, the glaring lights and quality can made with difficulty but we can be happy in the midst of inconveniences, as a a compensation for this inconvenience which we admited against our itself. A real mastery full of excitement and color!
Appreciate the kind words :)
A fantastic piece. Thanks Tim.
Thanks Petar. What stood out?
Many aspect of the piece, but most significannt for me:
1) The opening quote...don't know how anyone would be "just fine" with that outcome, so a good reminder/impetus to do your upmost to become as close as to the "person you could have become"
2) The struggle of life - completely agree; one's trials and tribulations and how they are dealt with shape who we all are...there are a multitude of paths that one can take (eg: your further point regarding "complaining"). From my perspective, struggles are one of the best things about life even though at the time they may seem an annoyance. Ultimately, they have the effect of forcing change and this should be embraced. I have been broken by life on several occasions by extreneous "curveballs" - they suck at the time, but as my Father would say in his ex-pat British way: "You've just got to get on with it..." My translation: there's not enough time to dwell on things, just move on.
3) No Company is your Family - nope, not even in the slightest sense. The only benefit is experience that you can then leverage to another company or your own gig. But you can make lifelong friends along the way, some of whom will remain such and others will fall by the wayside for a variety of reasons.
4) On the subject of complaining, it is basically an utter waste of time and energy. Unless it is something that materially effects my day to day life and something can actually be done about it, I have adopted the simple "so what" tactic and throw it in the mental bin immdediately. Per above, just move on (and as you say).
5) Being smart is often a curse - this stood out the most for me and is right on point. I have spent the last ~18 mos trying to distill/make the necessary changes from an ultimately terminal illness diagnosis. I have anaylyzed it in every which way trying to come up with systems and processes as to how I incorporate this change into my life. All I have come back to is simple basics: do the things I can control to an obsessive degree (health, fitness, diet, ruthless appointments with the right docs, etc) because barring that, its going to run its course regardless and as long as I can prolong things as long as possible, then I've done all I can do...so be it. The outcome will be what it will be.
A huge side benefit of this is that it spills over to how I need to be treating or changing all aspects of my life - work, travel, experiences, family, friends, etc. But after researching and experimenting with the systems, it does just come back to keeping things simple and being utterly consistent.
Well, you opened a can of worms with your question!
By the way, this is actually Adrian Watkins (we have exchanged messages before); I recently chose to write under a pseudonym (long story).
Great summary :)
There are only three people I listen to. First is Acharya Prashant, second is Shane Parrish and third is You. You three say the same things over and over. you people build my mind (daily) and teach me the right way to live. Unlike others you never show something shiny, filmy or golden.
Haha it's because I have nothing shiny Mehak. My wife went to get home insurance recently. We remembered once more that we have nothing to steal :)
What do you like about Shane Parrish?
u are unique. thoughtful and pretty amazing
Very kind. Why do you say that Joyanta?
Issues can often be simplified. I find it helpful to try and simplify issues when trying to resolve them.
Simple is always easier John.
Tim, this is hands down, one of your best articles. It wakes me up from my slumber, and challenges me. Thank you.
Cheers. Glad it provided a wake up call.
I loved the line, "The most argumentative people rarely persuade anyone of anything." This reminded me of my old self. The post is more realistic than most of the dreamy power packed motivational posts that just increase your blook pressure and inflate your ego, thanks Tim for the post.
That's my goal Karan. I feel like I can change self-help with this different approach.
Yes, surely you can..
Great item as always, I love the way you express yourself ...
Much love!
Absoutely!! 100% agree.
Hell yeah!
Not yet , but getting there.
At least you admit where you're at Robin.