All I did was the opposite of what everyone else was doing...”
I’d say it was worthy of remark. You are doing yourself a disservice. Standing up for yourself and those who can’t/won’t takes some guts... bravo Tim 👏
I have 4 kids so I would have to say, yes, daily. 😀
But in all seriousness I’ve never found myself in such circumstances, fortunately. I think 10 years ago the answer would be no - confidence in confrontation was never a strong point for me.
But some trying times for me personally over the last five years has helped correct that. So now I’d like to think I would hold my ground.
I have journaled on it quite a bit. Never quite summoned the courage to make those thoughts public.
It’s tough when there are kids involved who are still young enough to be upset by some things. I wouldn’t want them to read some of this, and they are Internet literate enough to find it. Difficult balance to find there.
Perhaps I could integrate some elements into my own writing without getting too specific… 🤔
This is now one of my favorite essays of yours. Great story, and so well illustrates what it looks like to walk the talk of the things you're always sharing with us. Kudos Tim.
The fact that you're actively and currently applying what you write about and believe in. You're always making sound and compelling arguments for living a life that matters, but a story like that in real time brings it home like nothing else.
We need more people in society like you to take on more proactive roles and speak out and/or stand up against such bullying, and corrupt acts by those with power.
Sorry, Tim; it's best to not steer this towards politics, although there are certainly analogies. The Impostor Syndrome, I believe, can be related to the Spotlight Effect. Some people, after having risen to a certain position within an organization, feel as if they don't actually merit being there. I became a school principal while still in my 20s, with supervisory responsibilities over people more than twice my age. One thing that helped me was realizing that I perceived my role as that of a facilitator. If I could assist my staff in becoming more successful, then I didn't need to worry about my success. When speaking in front of large groups of people (open houses, orientations, public forums, etc.) it helped to remind myself that the gathering was about whatever situation or event we were dealing with, not about myself. There have been times in my life when I didn't risk taking the big leap to the next level due to perhaps a combination of both the Spotlight Effect and the Impostor Syndrome.
Everytime you do something better than the next person, they automatically label you as richer, smarter, or more connected - all to let themselves off the hook.
There may exist a world in which your neighbours could actually be fired for championing this cause. But in the real sense, it's very unlikely.
It's just easier using these things as the excuse.
Ultimately, we should all aim to be our own persons. That we can objectively weigh the circumstances and decide on the next best approach in spite of what anyone will say about it.
Oh, yes. I experienced something similar in college. Despite being a reserved and easy-going person, I stood up against the organization causing the chaos since everyone else chose not to.
Fortunately, we didn't need to drag it too far, as they agreed to make changes after a few confrontations. And yes, the labels were there - she's smarter and all that.
Mine may not compare to yours, but I can totally relate. So please, don't relent. I hope it pays off soon.
"I never wanted to be the face of it. I always hoped someone else would put a voice to the issue, to the abuse of power." Isn't that where most of us land, flapping our arms and going on about everything that's wrong, but looking to someone else to do the real work of fixing the issue?
The most fitting response is to say "THANK YOU!" You did what needed doing, and you showed others the way. That's kind of the whole point of Unfiltered, right?
Tim, I think you don’t always have time to futz with individualized questions or replies, so I appreciate you asking. Yes, my life - like 100% of the conscientious people I know - is peppered with underdog stories. Mine, theirs, ours. Little infuriates me more than feelings of powerlessness, whether that relates to something personal, or something I see happening in the world. Underdog was born in the horror of dog-fighting circles and became 1960s cartoon superhero. Here…let me brush off your cape.
Love it, Tim. You did the right thing and that is what's good about this. But I love the idea you espoused. I see it daily. People I know think they are in the limelight because they do whatever it is and have been told how great they are. They are complacent and comfortable. What they need to understand is that it is just one moment in time. The next one it is back to your life doing what is everyday life. Not sure that sounded right, but I watch some artists I know who think they are big noticed artists. And, they don't ever rock the boat of their lives to step out of "their" comfort zone. You did... good on you! Who cares if the world at large noticed. Those that needed to, did. You made a difference.
Great reaction from you. I’m practicing this myself. When I’m afraid, it’s best to take a break, observe the fear, and keep going. Even if it’s tiny steps. At least it’s moving forward and not stagnating!
I hope this situation will get resolved soon for you and your neighbourhood. Good luck!
Wow Tim, I learn so much from your stories. This is a fantastic read. You were on national TV with your legs shaking and yet here you are, still alive and writing.
We're all afraid Denis. I didn't sleep and ran to the toilet the whole night before. The question is will you show up despite being afraid? Because that's where enormous growth lies that changes your life. Agree?
It's so important for people to realize that they actually do have options.
I never understand why people in positions of power think they are above the law. When you are in public office - you should actually hold yourself to a higher standard.
If we don't stand up - what are we teaching our kids and grandchildren and the next generation?
As they say: one of the things that result in bad things happening - is when good people do nothing.
Good onya matey, kudos! You DID something remarkable, even if you don't think so (the greatest paradox of LIVING). When Good stands up to evil we should recognize and celebrate. Well done, keep it up!!
A long time ago it did when I was younger. Now that I'm an old fart I don't give a damn. It's such a ridiculous thing - who do we think we are that everyone's attention would be upon us? People are more interested in their own little lives than anyone else's.
I say good for you for going for it with this case - you're speaking for all the folks who are bothered and even abused by such disrespectful, crass, selfish assholes who think nothing of disrupting life for others - and even take pleasure in it. Civility needs an opening to return, and you are creating the opening. Yay you.
The lesson that we overestimate how much people care about stuff we do. I know I care too much about that so this story was eyeopening. Thanks for sharing!
Great and good action. Bravo. This is how we show the values we uphold. You are setting up a good example and also encouraging people to follow. Thanks
“I didn’t do anything remarkable.
All I did was the opposite of what everyone else was doing...”
I’d say it was worthy of remark. You are doing yourself a disservice. Standing up for yourself and those who can’t/won’t takes some guts... bravo Tim 👏
Your comment made my day Graeme. Have you ever stuck up for those who can't stick up for themselves?
I have 4 kids so I would have to say, yes, daily. 😀
But in all seriousness I’ve never found myself in such circumstances, fortunately. I think 10 years ago the answer would be no - confidence in confrontation was never a strong point for me.
But some trying times for me personally over the last five years has helped correct that. So now I’d like to think I would hold my ground.
Keep on swinging!
Have you shared these trying times in the form of writing?
I have journaled on it quite a bit. Never quite summoned the courage to make those thoughts public.
It’s tough when there are kids involved who are still young enough to be upset by some things. I wouldn’t want them to read some of this, and they are Internet literate enough to find it. Difficult balance to find there.
Perhaps I could integrate some elements into my own writing without getting too specific… 🤔
This is mad. Sounds like a movie. 😂
Tim you did great.
You didn’t pass out.
You write on here in your voice.
You spoke for the ones that couldn’t
well quite frankly. We need more people like you. #TeamTim. 🙏 God bless
It is mad. What went from being a noise complaint has become a story of corruption, intimidation, and abuse. Have you got a story like this Rob?
This is now one of my favorite essays of yours. Great story, and so well illustrates what it looks like to walk the talk of the things you're always sharing with us. Kudos Tim.
Rick that means a lot. What part of the essay did you find most helpful?
The fact that you're actively and currently applying what you write about and believe in. You're always making sound and compelling arguments for living a life that matters, but a story like that in real time brings it home like nothing else.
Appreciate the kind feedback Rick.
Well done, Tim. More power to you.
We need more people in society like you to take on more proactive roles and speak out and/or stand up against such bullying, and corrupt acts by those with power.
Cheers Raveen.
Perhaps the Spotlight Effect has something to do with why so many Republican legislators are afraid of the MAGA faithfuls.
I don't do politics Terry so probably not the best one to comment here. Is there another example of the spotlight effect you've seen?
Sorry, Tim; it's best to not steer this towards politics, although there are certainly analogies. The Impostor Syndrome, I believe, can be related to the Spotlight Effect. Some people, after having risen to a certain position within an organization, feel as if they don't actually merit being there. I became a school principal while still in my 20s, with supervisory responsibilities over people more than twice my age. One thing that helped me was realizing that I perceived my role as that of a facilitator. If I could assist my staff in becoming more successful, then I didn't need to worry about my success. When speaking in front of large groups of people (open houses, orientations, public forums, etc.) it helped to remind myself that the gathering was about whatever situation or event we were dealing with, not about myself. There have been times in my life when I didn't risk taking the big leap to the next level due to perhaps a combination of both the Spotlight Effect and the Impostor Syndrome.
School principal at 20 is impressive Terry. Thanks for sharing.
I became a principal while still in my 20s, but not at age 20. I was 28. Yet I returned to the classroom for the final 15 years or so of my career.
Everytime you do something better than the next person, they automatically label you as richer, smarter, or more connected - all to let themselves off the hook.
There may exist a world in which your neighbours could actually be fired for championing this cause. But in the real sense, it's very unlikely.
It's just easier using these things as the excuse.
Ultimately, we should all aim to be our own persons. That we can objectively weigh the circumstances and decide on the next best approach in spite of what anyone will say about it.
Well done, Tim.
Rooting for you. ✨️
Oh, yes. I experienced something similar in college. Despite being a reserved and easy-going person, I stood up against the organization causing the chaos since everyone else chose not to.
Fortunately, we didn't need to drag it too far, as they agreed to make changes after a few confrontations. And yes, the labels were there - she's smarter and all that.
Mine may not compare to yours, but I can totally relate. So please, don't relent. I hope it pays off soon.
Love to hear this story. Good on you.
Very balanced reply Olaitan. Have you got a story like this from your life?
"I never wanted to be the face of it. I always hoped someone else would put a voice to the issue, to the abuse of power." Isn't that where most of us land, flapping our arms and going on about everything that's wrong, but looking to someone else to do the real work of fixing the issue?
The most fitting response is to say "THANK YOU!" You did what needed doing, and you showed others the way. That's kind of the whole point of Unfiltered, right?
You nailed it Elizabeth. The point of Unfiltered isn't to have some stupid, useless guru talk down to you but to present solutions using social proof.
Have you got an underdog story like mine above?
Tim, I think you don’t always have time to futz with individualized questions or replies, so I appreciate you asking. Yes, my life - like 100% of the conscientious people I know - is peppered with underdog stories. Mine, theirs, ours. Little infuriates me more than feelings of powerlessness, whether that relates to something personal, or something I see happening in the world. Underdog was born in the horror of dog-fighting circles and became 1960s cartoon superhero. Here…let me brush off your cape.
Raddled, huh!
Haha Stephen.
Love it, Tim. You did the right thing and that is what's good about this. But I love the idea you espoused. I see it daily. People I know think they are in the limelight because they do whatever it is and have been told how great they are. They are complacent and comfortable. What they need to understand is that it is just one moment in time. The next one it is back to your life doing what is everyday life. Not sure that sounded right, but I watch some artists I know who think they are big noticed artists. And, they don't ever rock the boat of their lives to step out of "their" comfort zone. You did... good on you! Who cares if the world at large noticed. Those that needed to, did. You made a difference.
Marsha would you agree that even if you are in the spotlight today, it disappears tomorrow?
Oh definitely! Many times our idea of what is a spotlight changes once we think about it.
That's been true for me as well Marsha.
Great reaction from you. I’m practicing this myself. When I’m afraid, it’s best to take a break, observe the fear, and keep going. Even if it’s tiny steps. At least it’s moving forward and not stagnating!
I hope this situation will get resolved soon for you and your neighbourhood. Good luck!
Fear is growth isn't it Kenny?
100%. Pushing through it can yield amazing results :)
Sure can
Wow Tim, I learn so much from your stories. This is a fantastic read. You were on national TV with your legs shaking and yet here you are, still alive and writing.
We're all afraid Denis. I didn't sleep and ran to the toilet the whole night before. The question is will you show up despite being afraid? Because that's where enormous growth lies that changes your life. Agree?
Strongly agree.
:)
Thanks for standing up Tim 🙏
It's so important for people to realize that they actually do have options.
I never understand why people in positions of power think they are above the law. When you are in public office - you should actually hold yourself to a higher standard.
If we don't stand up - what are we teaching our kids and grandchildren and the next generation?
As they say: one of the things that result in bad things happening - is when good people do nothing.
You said it perfectly. Is there a short story you have Janet of standing up for what's right?
Thanks Tim!
Short story - I had to think a minute. As you have experienced- often standing up - can take weeks, months, even years.
The stories of being involved in standing up for people with disabilities, inclusion, equity, education, funding - are long stories.
So, I thought I would give a couple of examples that folks could do in their everyday lives:
- When you see someone being bullied - say something.
- In conversations - say something when folks are being derogatory.
Each small act, we each do, in our small pond, has a ripple effect.
Thanks Tim
Good onya matey, kudos! You DID something remarkable, even if you don't think so (the greatest paradox of LIVING). When Good stands up to evil we should recognize and celebrate. Well done, keep it up!!
I love paradoxes Corwin.
Awesome. Good going!
And you are so right - no one is looking, no one gives a rat's patootey.
Spot on Angela. Has the spotlight effect held you back?
A long time ago it did when I was younger. Now that I'm an old fart I don't give a damn. It's such a ridiculous thing - who do we think we are that everyone's attention would be upon us? People are more interested in their own little lives than anyone else's.
I say good for you for going for it with this case - you're speaking for all the folks who are bothered and even abused by such disrespectful, crass, selfish assholes who think nothing of disrupting life for others - and even take pleasure in it. Civility needs an opening to return, and you are creating the opening. Yay you.
They certainly do take pleasure in it. If I named the organisation you would see why the "take pleasure in it" leads to an enormous dark side.
Yes, well, I'm sure we're on the same page re that.
:)
Awesome! Thanks for sharing and cudos for having the guts to do it. And great lessons in the story as well
Cheers Havard. What lesson did you find the most helpful?
The lesson that we overestimate how much people care about stuff we do. I know I care too much about that so this story was eyeopening. Thanks for sharing!
Glad it helped Harvard.
Great and good action. Bravo. This is how we show the values we uphold. You are setting up a good example and also encouraging people to follow. Thanks
Much love Figen.