Successful People Disappear for Months at a Time like It's Normal. You Should Too.
You make the biggest breakthroughs alone
Disappearing for months without a trace is supposed to be bad.
Experts claim this way of life leads to loneliness. Psychoanalyst Robert Waldinger says, "Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism."
What if loneliness is exactly what you need right now?
The title of this story comes from Dan Koe. He says:
“A pattern I've noticed in successful people: they disappear from the world for months at a time to force pure focus on themselves and their vision. They laser in on one meaningful goal and make it a reality.”
Successful people aren’t normal. It’s time you redefine loneliness and solitude, so you can use it to become extraordinary.
This short story is cold… to the point of insanity
When I don’t have a 1 year old running around my feet screaming, “More milk, daddy” I like to watch tennis. I find it relaxing even though I have zero passion for sport.
In 2012, at the Australian Tennis Open, I watched what commentators call the greatest tennis match in history.
It was also the longest tennis match ever at more than 5 hours.
I remember watching it. It wasn’t a game. It was more like a fight to the death straight out of the Gladiator Movie with Russell Crowe. The match was between Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal. No one could predict who would win.
Just when you thought you knew you suddenly were proven wrong. Novak ended up beating Nadal.
You’d think he’d be euphoric.
Not really. He went to the locker room here in Melbourne with his physiotherapist Miljan Amanovic. Novak had wanted to taste chocolate so bad. He hadn’t eaten any for 2 years before the match.
Miljan bought Novak a block of chocolate to celebrate the win. Novak ripped off one tiny square from the full size block and let it melt into his mouth, savouring every second like it was as precious as the birth of his first child. One block was as far as he could go.
He writes in his book this gripping line: “That’s what it takes to get to number 1.”
Novak disappeared for 2 years to achieve that win in 2012. He had to have extreme focus and discipline to get there. Unless you analyze his story, you make the mistake of thinking he’s just good at tennis. Nope.
Novak’s great at creating a disappearing act and exiting from society. He’s not normal which is why he gets results normal people don’t.
Being alone with the intention of working on your obsession is not loneliness. It’s high self-awareness.
As soon as you talk about disappearing for 12 months, or going monk mode, or going to the extreme of nightmare mode, critics start to say you’ve lost the plot.
They claim loneliness will set in.
You’ll age badly. And you’ll never fit back into society again (probably a good thing). But solitude with intention behind it is untapped power.
Actor Robin Williams once said:
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.”
When you’re around people who don’t understand your obsession they make you feel alone. They try to make you conform. This is how I felt in banking. I’d share my after hours writing obsession with other bankers. They didn’t get it.
They thought I was weird.
Bankers don’t write.
They comply with the banking laws. They work long hours. They get finance degrees and MBAs. They’re obsessed with “the customer” or their job (useless).
So the more time I spent around them the harder it was to block out their worldview. Eventually I took some time off and disappeared down a rabbit hole.
I woke up every day and read Medium dot com essays from 2012-2015, when the writing was at its best. I had the self-awareness to go deeper into this strange world instead of being pulled into the external world.
It takes self-awareness. You have to know what you actually give a sh*t about. Once you do, then disappearing seems like the smartest decision you can make to get away from the distractors.
“Time alone only feels lonely when you have no purpose. It’s otherwise a privilege to focus and get things done” – Orangebook (via X)
Intentional loneliness leads to a spark of genius
Author James Altucher:
"How do I get traffic to my blog". Or "how do I get buyers of my book." or "How do I get people to follow me on Twitter."
A lot of it is about loneliness. We sit in our house writing blog posts and then hit Publish."
The average person isn’t willing to be alone.
Why? They’re fearful. They constantly need people around them to validate their ideas, decisions, and view of the world. This leads them to lack confidence. All it takes is one person to make a random comment and they’re questioning everything.
You make the biggest breakthroughs alone.(Not in a nightclub full of scumbags sculling alcohol and pissing in the ally instead of the toilet.)
Staring at a screen until midnight while you explore the dark parts of Wikipedia while going down a rabbit hole that keeps you awake is when the real progress happens.
Solitude helps you move faster
“He moves fastest who moves alone.” ― Milton Friedman
In the corporate world they get h*rny over groupthink. They love committees. They love boards of directors.
The problem of all this 0rgy thinking is it slows you down, while the world and market goes faster and faster because of technology led by AI.
When you work on your obsession alone, it’s just you & that quiet voice in your head. You can learn to tame that voice too. You can make that voice a little kinder. You can learn to question that voice. Most of all, other voices don’t drown out your voice.
If you want to go fast then start going it alone.
“Solitude is freedom. Be a loner. Solitude is oxygen for the obsessed.” – Zach Pogrob
Disappearing into solitude heightens your focus to incredible levels
Focus is the real competitive advantage.
Your competition doesn’t have it. That’s why I say there’s no competition. I spend zero time worrying about other writers gobbling up my audience because most of them can’t focus or write every day for more than a year.
That’s not my ego talking, that’s obsession. Obsession can’t be beaten.
When you disappear for months at a time it helps you do your best work. For the last 2 months, I’ve mostly been out of touch with the real world. I’ve been going nightmare mode on a new project to expand my writing movement.
Friends and family know I’m okay, but they don’t know what I’m up to. And I’ll probably never tell them because it’ll create unsolicited and unhelpful opinions.
With one singular goal and no real world to be a part of, it’s hard NOT to do the best work of your life.
Escaping the world is how you create a better world
You must have a powerful reason to disappear, otherwise there’s no point.
Disappearing without a purpose is just depression in disguise. I’ve found to make the world better through my work, I have to get out of the world. I have to escape it.
Because when you’re stuck inside the societal vortex, it’s hard to escape the limitations and barriers placed on your thinking. So you come up with more of the same old ideas that don’t create breakthroughs for you or for others.
Here’s how to disappear for months at a time and experience enormous progress
Now you know why to do it. Let’s get practical.
If you write on social media then keep going. But stop commenting, replying to DMs, or scrolling the newsfeed.
Send this message, “I’m going off-grid” to people you stay in touch with. Post it on social media if you have a small following, too.
Decide on the constraints. What won’t you do for these months?
Think about all the places you get dopamine hits from. Consider cutting all of these off too.
Delete the Netflix app from every device.
Delete all notifications on every device.
Eat clean for these two months.
Make sure exercise or at least walking is built into your daily disappearance. Schedule extra walks if you want to elevate your creativity.
Have your daily flow state boot up sequence down to a fine art. What music will you work to? Will you drink coffee beforehand? Will you have a warm shower to think through ideas? What will be the first smallest task each day? Where will you work from?
Work while the world is switched off. After 7 pm. Before 9 am. Or even as late as 1 am.
Final Thought
Without focus all you have is bullsh*t work.
Disappearing from the world is one way to find a level of focus you may never have experienced. Don’t let anyone distract you from your vision/purpose/obsession.
Solitude is normal for the obsessed. It’s where deep flow states are found that’ll change your life.
Would you ever consider disappearing for months at a time? Tell me in the comments.
P.S. Just crossed 100M impressions for the year
To celebrate I’m running a FREE masterclass:
3 Simple, Recyclable Social Media Frameworks Everyone Should Know
Click here and select "Enroll Now" to join
(Limited seating.)
The fondest gentle memories I have are the ones where I spent time in the mountains.
Sitting by a stream or creek, listening to the birds. Enjoying the quiet - contemplating. I found the quieter I became (it took about two weeks generally), the more I became aware of nature around me.
I became part of it and it’s amazing how sharp your senses become. Your breathing changes. You start sleeping with a natural cadence - your circadian rhythm recalibrates.
What stands out is anything that is out of sync with the “flow”.
Your mind becomes clear, quiet, attentive.
You don’t miss talking or voices or sirens or telephones. Food tastes better.
It’s easy to smile.
I became aware of God’s presence. And the voice in my head became gentler.
The memories are vivid and clear. They are peaceful and valuable. I have always wanted to build a writing space in rhe mountains. I have a picture of the ideal version I posted on pinterest years ago.
I never felt lonely out there- only welcome.
Thank you for reminding of these memories.
I've disappeared from the world for 4 years now! No WhatsApp, No Facebook, No Snapchat, No Instagram. Focused on becoming a consistently profitable trader.