Successful People Leave Their Loser Friends (And Even Family) Behind

Here's why and the factors to consider

Photo by Leah Hetteberg on Unsplash

“You’ll end up a junkie if you don’t listen to me.”

A mentor once said this to me. I had many friends. Some good and some bad. But the people I spent the most time with took drugs.

This was their lifestyle – not mine.

I let them into my life because I wanted to be a successful DJ. The journey unfortunately starts in nightclubs. Then if you succeed there, perhaps, you can go on to play arenas and record vocals with Snoop Dog.

The trouble is nightclubs are full of drugs. It’s the #1 place people go to do them.

This thought is still not lost on me today.

Two of my friends growing up defied the odds. They formed a DJ duo and went on to become known worldwide. Yet earlier this year I bumped into one of them at an electronic music event with 10,000 people.

He looked tired, deflated, sick, overweight … and nearly dead.

The strange thing is both of them were anti-drugs. For years I went to watch them DJ and they never did anything other than drink water.

People gave them sh*t … but they didn’t care.

Years later, now in their 30s, they are both junkies. They’ve done every illegal drug ever to exist. I found out it took them more than 5 years of exposure to finally succumb to the peer pressure and light up a joint (their first taste).

Now they’re on the hard stuff and life has got, well, HARD.

I was following in their footsteps. My mentor would have been right. I would have become a junkie DJ like them. But I didn’t.

Mental illness derailed my DJ career and saved my life.

Audit your inner circle

This story illustrates the importance of your inner circle.

The people you spend the most time with subconsciously affect your entire life. No human mind is strong enough to resist the ideas of those closest to you.

So this is why you must audit your inner circle. Pay close attention to who you spend the most time with because they are shaping your path to success.

Rule: if someone is dragging you down, never spend more than 5 minutes with them going forward.

Rig the game in your favor

I freaking love this one.

On the one hand losers can bring you down. But on the other hand you can artificially rig the game in your favor by adding people into your inner circle who are miles ahead of you. The best ones are obviously people you can talk with in real life.

They’re harder to add to your life – because if they’re way ahead of you and already successful, they’re probably time-poor or have a full inner circle.

One way to overcome this obstacle is to remember that successful people are often only great at 1-2 areas of life. There are plenty of areas they suck at.

Just look at Elon Musk.

Great at business/marketing. But bankrupt in personal relationships & being a father, because he’s never around and sleeps inches from his office in a small house.

This is a huge opportunity.

If you find someone who is ten steps ahead in the area of life you want to be successful, all you have to do is find out how to help in the areas they suck.

For example, I’ve had some small success with writing and investing. But in my business I suck at recruiting affiliates, doing customer support, community management, and automating processes with Zapier.

I’d be willing to add someone with a big online writing goal to my inner circle who could help with one or all of these problems.

That’s a win-win.

Your inner circle goes beyond “I know them in real life”

Many people forget that an inner circle of people you spend time with isn’t just people you can directly email or call.

No.

The podcasts you listen to, Youtube channels or TikToks you’re subscribed to, the books you read – they’re all virtual mentors and part of your inner circle.

When I was a broke loser I had Tony Robbins' voice in my ear for several hours a day. He drowned out the voice of my loser friends and people who told me to give up.

Through enough exposure, I got out of the rigged game and took Tony’s advice. Later I got to meet the friendly giant – but only after I got to know him well enough virtually.

Curate your content diet carefully.

The ultimate life hack to be surrounded by successful people

I love hacking the system.

Another way to create a badass inner circle is to create a mastermind or paid community. Then all you do is attract the people that could add enormous value to your life. Even if you have bugger all results, if you’re the one to bring these people together and own the community, you get all the rewards despite your own results.

I saw a dumb Aussie guy do this.

He’s as thick as bricks the poor guy. He sounds dumb just because of the tone of his voice. All of his business ideas over the years have been terrible. One of them: Uber but for boats. OMG. It failed within days.

To combat his lack of business chops, all he did was use someone else’s platform and say “I’ll run the Australian chapter.” He got to be around some of the most successful people in the world as a result.

One harsh rule

If you run a mastermind or paid community, kick out idiots if you have to.

I have a small community. Over the years 2-3 people have caused trouble in there. I treated it like a virus. I sent in the medical SWAT team and told them to extract the offender. I even gave the offenders generous rewards for politely f*cking off.

It’s not worth it.

This is why certain social media apps are on a path to bankruptcy.

They have zero community standards, so their apps become a cesspool that ultimately transforms into adult babies flicking poo at each other. Eventually it ends up in conspiracies, walk-outs, mini-riots, and violence.

Troublemakers are a virus. Get them out.

The hardest people in the world to boot out of your life

Some successful people have also had to leave behind parts of their family.

I haven’t had to do this. But for some people I’ve met, this is a difficult decision they’ve made. One friend had a h*roin addict for a mother. It was either keep her in his life and take h*roin, or leave her.

He left her behind and she died from an overdose shortly after.

Another person I knew had a father who kept going in and out of jail. He refused help and tried to implicate his son in his crimes. Naturally, he had to get away.

Family is supposed to love and support you. If they don’t then it requires deep thinking to re-evaluate their effect on you.

Here’s the crucial step you must follow

The headline of this article is brutal.

I get it.

Many people have written about getting rid of loser friends, thanks to Jim Rohn’s famous advice, “you’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

However, there’s one component always missing….

You have to show people empathy in life, too, to be successful. Otherwise, frankly, you’re just an a-hole.

If people are trying to change then let them. Be patient. Cutting out loser friends and even family members should be a last resort, not the first option.

But if you explore all options and your inner circle is full of toxic humans, then you’re left with some hard decisions.

One last important thing to remember

Many of the people you call ‘friends’ are wrongly labeled.

Most people in your life are acquaintances. I learned the hard way when I lost a large amount of money. Most so-called friends did nothing. The true friends dropped everything they were doing to come and talk with me.

They even followed up. One person said “if you lose everything you can always stay at my house.” They’re real friends.

Cull your fake friends by seeing who comes to your rescue when disaster strikes. Then you’ll have a lot fewer decisions to make about who stays in your life and who goes. Let me leave you with this line from Tony Robbins…

Who you spend time with is who you become.

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