None of us are bulletproof from giving a f*ck.
The goal isn’t to be free of f*cks. The goal is to give less f*cks away than you currently do, so life can get infinitely better.
I’m the master of this topic because I spent my whole life giving a f*ck about every little thing. But things are changing with a daughter on the way.
Here are the legit ways to stop giving a f*ck (the f*ck count is high so be prepared).
Majoring in minor things
Too many people get obsessed with trivialities.
“What time is dinner?”
“Ohhh my cupcake isn’t the same flavor I ordered.”
“You cut me off in traffic. You bastard!”
“You got paid $200 more than me last year. That’s unfair.”
“My favorite Netflix show got canceled. This is outrageous.”
These are minor things. They won’t make your life better. They’re a complete waste of mental energy to think about.
What I do is have an indifferent reaction to minor things. I just don’t care. The outcome can go either way. I treat my day like an iPhone battery. Every f*ck I give drains my battery. Once I hit the red zone it’s game over.
That’s why I say to my wife “I don’t care, either way is good” with 90% of decisions. You can too.
Stop wasting energy on minor things that don’t impact your major goals or how you feel about your life.
Stand up to bureaucracy
Recently, I restructured my online business.
This required me to set up every product or service I use again. The first step was to get a business number. What a minefield.
The Australian government made me jump through hoops. Instead of getting the business number on the same day I applied, like it was during my 10+ year banking career, they’ve decided to delay all applications by 28 days.
Every step is now manual and requires human intervention.
I rang their hotline and said “f*ck you, I’m not waiting 28 days.”
“Sorry sir, this is the only process.”
“Get your f*cking manager.”
Manager: “Sorry, that’s the best we can do.”
“I’m sending you a letter from my lawyer if you don’t get this sorted in the next five minutes. This country is going backwards. The world is supposed to get faster with automation, not 28 days slower.”
One minute later he approved my application and gave me my business number.
Then I try to get bank accounts. Same drama. Everything has to be face to face. When I was in banking only one year ago, you could get an account in minutes. Now bureaucracy has taken over.
So I don’t tolerate it.
“F*ck your bank. I need the account today so I can run my business. You can make it happen or I can call the CEO. What do you want to do?”
Minutes later things start moving. I didn’t get the account same day but I did get it fast instead of the usual 4 week wait.
Then I went to change my crypto accounts. Same drama. They would only accept wet signatures, not electronic ones. DocuSign wasn’t good enough. I pushed back.
“We don’t sign with pen anymore. That’s too freaking easy to fake. We do electronic signatures using biometrics and recorded Zoom calls. Approve me now.”
And they did.
It’s not about being an angry asshole either (despite the dialogue I was nice to each person). It’s about being assertive and not letting bureaucrats walk all over your sexy body.
Stop taking the made-up rules of society as gospel.
Push back. Drop a few f-bombs. You’ll be surprised what this not-giving-a-f*ck way of living can do when you apply it.
Feel the pain of regrets
The fastest form of motivation in history is the pain of regret.
People delay their goals to the future. I tell them “but I’m positive if you don’t have time today you won’t have time in the future.”
That gets them thinking.
Soon they realize the goal they’re delaying using bad excuses will lead to regret. The feeling is enough to make them drop to the floor.
I do the same in my life. It’s either today or it’s probably not gonna happen. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed so may as well live for right this minute.
With that out of the way, all that’s required is to ask yourself “will I care if I never get to do this thing?” If the answer is yes then the pain of regret will kick in and fuel your motivation for free.
No more f*cking around. Let the pain of regret automate your actions.
Not enough experience
Just f*ck off. Seriously.
Stop giving a f*ck about experience and credentials. It’s a made-up ponzi scheme. You got enough experience to do pretty much anything except, perhaps, medical surgery or practicing as a lawyer.
Everything else you can probably do.
Experience comes from action. Not knowing what the heck is going on is the best way to learn. All the limitations are lifted and the lessons get taught the hard way.
Two years ago on my first day at a new job, I joined an IT company. The second meeting of the day was with programmers. They spoke about lines of code. “So what do you think Timbo?”
“No freaking idea. I can’t read code.”
Fast-forward one year and these programmers actually respected me. I learned enough about code and ‘the cloud’ to do my job.
But on day one I had no clue, so I just admitted it and asked for help.
Day one of any job always comes with imposter syndrome.
We’re all just making sh*t up as we go. Occasionally we might feel like we know what we’re doing. For the rest of the time we pretend. Good.
Not sure if it will work out
None of us can predict the future.
Maybe your goal will work out. Maybe it won’t. The truth is, whatever goal you start, will probably unfold in a completely different way to how you imagine.
Trying to predict outcomes is useless. Most things don’t work out on the first attempt anyway, that’s why we have failure and rejection.
Focus less on whether it will work out. Focus more on what you learn while you try to figure it out.
Feel fearful
You stop giving a f*ck so much when you embrace fear.
Let me give you an example. Ten years ago I had dark mental illness. I was scared sh*tless of everything. I couldn’t even sit my skinny ass down and have lunch with my colleagues. That’s how messed up I was.
I’d start to feel sick, or want to sh*t my pants, or want to pass out in social situations. I imagined myself constantly vomiting on random strangers for no reason. It never happened. But the sickness told me lies.
Eventually I couldn’t bare it anymore. “F*ck this!”
I wrote a list of all my fears. I started to live them one by one.
The first one was to ride an elevator 35 floors. Check. Then go on a plane for the second time in my life. Check. Then ask a girl out. Check.
After a few months my fear list got shorter and my life got better. I went to see the shrink. At the end of all my sessions with him sitting in silence we got to the final one.
“Keep going with your fear list. You don’t need me.”
Geez thanks Doc! After thousands of dollars that’s all the advice I got.
Feel the fear and f*cking do it anyway.
What’s the worst that can happen?
Trying to avoid fear is a loser’s game. Fear is normal. The level of fear you embrace equals the quality of life you live.
If you’re always avoiding fear you’ll go nowhere. In ten years you’ll still be in the same lame place thinking the world is against you.
Take it from a man full of fear: use fear or it will use you.
Fear is energy. Fear is motivation. Fear is an advantage.
Stop being so freaking busy
F*ck back-to-back meetings and full calendars.
Whoever invented this model of work should be banished from the business world forever. What a joke.
How can we do the real work if we’re in meetings all day? F*ck meetings.
In my last job I just started saying no.
“Do you need me in this meeting?”
“If this meeting is a waste then I’m never coming to one of your meetings again.”
“Could this meeting have been an email?”
“Okay, sorry, I gotta run to a customer appointment. Call me if you need anything.”
Just get good at excuses. Let all your colleagues know that your time is valuable. Especially let your boss know. If they don’t like it, then f*ck them.
Your boss is lucky to have you. You can always get another job – and their ability to hire fast and replace people is never great. So tell them how you work. You no longer do back-to-back meetings. End of story.
Be assertive or die trying. It’s the only way to get sh*t done and live the good life.
Who gives a f*ck what Twitter or the news or politicians think
It’s time for me to unleash.
The news is a business. All they want to do is release stories that keep you glued to the screen. They couldn’t give a f*ck if the story is real or if they’re making up key facts. The news is commentary now, not facts. Scrap that…
The news is entertainment.
And the news on Twitter is even worse. Most of these social media commentators have no clue how the world works.
Opinions are like assholes – everyone has one.
Then there are the politicians. In case you haven’t noticed, most of our world leaders are rich white males over the age of 70. I have zero time for any of them.
99% of them don’t care about us. Their political career is an ego trip. Bring back the peaceful Nelson Mandelas. Fire the rich political guys.
The one exception is that New Zealand prime minister Jacinta. She seems to have a brain and can get stuff done. Perhaps that’s because she’s NOT 6 months away from the nursing home, isn’t rich, and is female with a young family (aka compassionate).
The rest of the politicians aren’t worth giving a f*ck about. Stop listening to their fake promises. Live your life.
Think about death
Let’s finish on this: everything equals death.
I thought the (roughly) 85 years of my life were long. Then I saw some photos from the James Webb telescope. The images show stars thousands of light-years away.
So basically my 85 years of life is a tiny fart in comparison to the rest of the galaxy that I’ll never get to see.
When you compare your life mathematically like that it’s 10x easier to give less f*cks.
You’re going to die. Time is running out. Time can expire at any moment. There’s no afterlife (that we know of).
So what the f*ck are you waiting for? Give less f*ck so you can make this one life worth it before death takes it away without warning.
That’s the best life hack in human history. The trick is to tattoo it on your forehead so you stop giving a f*ck and living as if there is a future.
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Wow, so many great points in one article!
This could be a whole book but you skillfully condensed it down to the meat of the matter for us f•ck givers.
I especially liked the tip of blast past my fears and do it anyways. Great writing Tim and so empowering! Thankyou.
The last advice about "Memento mori" the strongest one :) and I am trying to fix it in my mind from the early age. And the pictures from the James Webb telescope is a rule changer for the whole humanity on the Mother Earth . So, let's live our life and be grateful for everything what we have and never take peace as granted !