Growing accustomed to excessive comfort can diminish mental strength too.
In 2009, I spent 3 weeks in Japan. In a country where English is not widely spoken, I only had the maps in the appendix of my Lonely Planet book to navigate. It was fine.
Now, I get panicked when I have to drive more than 15 minutes from home without GPS.
Graeme this is a problem I have too. I used to be able to stand extreme temperatures. But now I live with a baby where the temperature has to always be right, I struggle.
Oh my goodness, Tim - Lonely Planet guided so many of us to get out there and just experience the world - with a detailed guidebook. I can remember meeting a friend in France and pulling my LP guide apart so he could have the southern half where I had already been!
I understand as I was sailing in the same boat. I just wrote a comment about my current mental state in comments (its somewhat similar to what you mentioned). Before reading your comment I wrote that.
Remember my friend, There is always a way, just find out.
There is always a solution even before the problem exist. You Are born to win and You will win.
Tim, mark my word by the end of this year I'll have 3x or more progress financially. If I'd remember by that time (or its easy for me to find this commend), I'd post an update to tell you the good news. or if you give me your consent I'd send you an email with an update.
BTW I meant to say that by the end of this year 'Dec 30' I'd post an update here on this comment or send you an email if you give me your consent.
But as you asked me, 'Post it so everyone can learn. How are you going to 3x this year?', Sure, I'm honored, let me share:
Tim, you might already know this, Reasons come first and answers come second.
Especially in this context, My strategy might be foolproof for me but may not be helpful to others because my reasons are different than others so is my goals and dreams. My strategy is to strengthen me in those areas where I need to strengthen myself the most so that I perform better than ever to take my financial progress to Next level (intrinsic goal). This is what I do:
1. No to New Project Ideas and in personal or professional life No to everything that takes away my time or focus or energy, that is required me to perform at higher level on daily basis.
2. I Religiously, Follow my 6 months plan (sub divided into 1 month plan -> weekly plan -> daily plan.
Review it daily 2x for current day (start and end of the day), reflect it end of week for past week, reflect at end of the month for past month.
3. Budget allocated for work - I allocated budget for work. Monthly, first thing first, I set aside good percentage for work.
5. Investing in learning skills - Currently learning a skill, implementing it immediately before move to next one and afterwards 2 more skill to learn to smooth out my work process.
6. Double work than my competition - My competition works around 36-45 hrs/week and I'm heading towards 60-66 hrs/week
7. Get into Flow state 'on demand'
priming my mind when my day starts
Before sleeping: I do Meditation
* No spending for junk food except: Once in a blue moon. To nourish my mind so that my body has more nutrients and more pure energy flows to my brain.
* 30 approx. breathing exercise just before doing work so that I deliberately send more oxygen to my brain to perform better.
The only thing I've in control is my efforts and I'm committed to bet on them. Tim let me know if you have any suggestion to improve my progress plan.
P.S. I do many other things but I'm afraid those are not easy to explain here.
Yassshh totally agree. Minds seek the most efficient path. The comfort, the known, reduces the taxing effort the mind needs to take because the neural pathways have been formed. I realised the more I undertake challenges (that I snowball gradually), it expands my comfort zone, and before long, I've taken up doing things I was not confident doing just under a year ago. Not sure if I can win, but I love doing the day-to-day activities that show my progress to achieve a goal.
2 years ago I felt extremely bored and mentally weak. I started working with a coach and the transformation from a weak mind to a mentally strong one has been extremely rewarding. I was the classic victim playing character. I took control over my thoughts and became the main character of my own story. It requires hard work and dedication, still today.
Thank you for this great article. It made me realise I've already grown a lot and yet, still have more potential to get better.
I was already following the work of Bob Proctor (recommended to me by a colleague). And then I searched on google 'Bob proctor coach Belgium', I ended up finding a coaching business (Mindtransformers) focussing on business and mindset, combining the 2. Learned a lot about mindset, visualisation, gratitude, consistency, the power of habits,... It was amazing and worth every cent (I payed 7500 euros for 6 months of coaching). Thank you for asking Tim!!
May I ask you? In your initial comment you mentioned:
"I was the classic victim playing character."
How did Bob Proctor's trained coach helped you specifically to get out of that victim mindset?
As far as I know when we play a victim character in our mind then we loose peace because most of the time we keep repeating that what injustice or bad incident happened to us in near past? isn't it? And it happens unconsciously.
I know you also mentioned this:
"Learned a lot about mindset, visualisation, gratitude, consistency, the power of habits"
But these all things come at very latter stage. Unless we first get out of that victim mindset, none of these things seem to work. As negativity goes all over the place?
Q1. Were you had only fear to get success or how to become successful or
how to get rich?
OR
Q2. You had a baggage of past trauma (could be anything like fight with someone or not good relationship etc.) that lead you to play victim character in your mind all the time?
The first situation, I understand, can be handled what they (Bob Proctor's team) teach and a person can overcome by even reading self-help books or doing gratitude, visualization, day dreaming, forming good habits.
BUT the latter situation isn't easy to handle and overcome?
It would be great if you shed some light, what category did you fall in the 1st or 2nd and how did they help you at first place? It'd be great if you share that?
Hi Aaron, I would place myself in Q1. I don't have a baggage of past trauma. I grew up happy and safe. It was only when I started working, my struggles started. I was so extremely bored in every job I did, that I started doubting myself and myself worth. It's here I developed this victim blaming program. I blamed the companies, the managers, the tasks, the office, the colleagues for my lack of challenge. I couldn’t understand why everybody was allways saying they’re so busy while I wasn't at all.
It was by explaining this context that the coach pointed to the blaming behaviour.
And I recognised this immediately when he pointed it out. So then I started paying attention to my thoughts, and slowly started to build a 2.0 version of myself. I did use visualisation for this.
Today I still slip back into the victim mindset once in a while, but I can recognise it pretty quickly.
It's also only now I'm discovering the reason for this boredom, and it's highly probable because of an above average intellect. I'm doing some tests next week.
Something as giftedness never crossed my mind, because I simply would never thing this is me. But the more literature I read about it, the more similarities I see with myself and this neurodivergence. And that could be the answer to my boredom issue. Another reason not to blame my surroundings (or myself for that matter).
I hope this answers your question Aaron?
And thank you for taking the time to elaborate on my comment!
Hi Marie, thank you for answering my question, I sincerely appreciate that.
IMHO You've surely taken a great decision to work with a coach to transform your mindset and have a winning mentality because many people don't have the courage to do that and their old habits chase them their whole life and at the end of life, they regret not taking action.
My best wishes are with you for the tests.
You write very well, this is the natural talent you're gifted with. The journey you started, continue walking on that path as you already got some success on Medium
(if you'd like to you can slow down little bit as you mentioned in your post, you're covering many platforms simultaneously as sometimes burnout happens if we don't strategically plan all this. it's just my humble suggestion. I've no idea maybe you're already working with a perfect plan)), surely you can rock the boat and do any way you'd like to).
You're born to win.
Marie thank you for your great understanding and explaining all this. I appreciate that.
Hi, Tim. A timely note on mental toughness for me, just when I needed it. I'm about to start chemotherapy for breast cancer. I've heard from so many people that "The treatment is worse than the disease", but I'm not falling for that.
23 years ago I had my final surgery for another long-term illness that doctors are only getting around to recognizing as a real illness, endometriosis. I cheated death three times on that one by not hemorrhaging to death on those occasions. When a new technique to do hysterectomies was developed that did NOT push a woman into instant menopause, I jumped on it.
I had 23 very healthy years after that treatment, and no more endometriosis. So I'm pretty sure I can defeat this cancer thing too. And while I'm at it, I'll be getting ready to go to Glasgow, Scotland in August. There, I'll reconnect with friends I last saw in person over 30 years ago. That's a powerful incentive to get well on my terms.
Hi, Tim. One prepares for chemo by having several advance tests:
> a heart scan to check the flow volume of blood leaving the heart via the arteries. This tells how fast the chemo chemicals will circulate through the body and leave it.
> a bone scan - a surprisingly painful CAT scan of the whole skeleton to detect how healthy the bone marrow is for creating new blood cells, many of which might be killed by chemo
> a CAT scan of the whole torso, to assess the state of health of all the internal organs
> an MRI to do one last check for any other hidden carcinomas before chemo starts
> one pre-chemo blood test that is very thorough, to check the health of all the different kinds of blood cells
I have finished the first three, just two more to go before I get my IV Port installed to allow for simpler injection of the chemo drugs. I've asked for eight treatments every 2 weeks, so I can finish by end June and get ready for my fabulous vacation to Glasgow, Scotland in August.
So now you know.
I am supremely grateful I live in Canada, where all of this work, plus two completed surgeries already, has cost me $0 dollars CAD. If I lived in the USA I might have had to take out a new mortgage on the house by now...
Best wishes to you, your missus, and little Miss Denning, Carol
You don't. I spent two hours on the telephone today trying to reorganize pre-chemo appointments. I have negotiated with them that I can have a few weeks off from the treatments in July and August so I can take my holiday in Glasgow to attend a global science fiction convention, and catch up with friends I haven't seen in 30 years. That trip is helping me keep my head on straight.
I have no idea how to prepare mentally for the fact that I will look like an Easter egg just two weeks after Easter; I am admittedly vain. My gorgeous, thick, wavy, full-bodied hair has been a key factor in my self-perception as very pretty all my life.
I have several photos of a dear friend posted up in my home office. He had lost all his hair by his early 30s. It has not stopped him from being a kind, loving and caring person. So I'll find a way to accept my new reality for as long as it lasts - I have been assured my hair loss is just temporary, and that it will likely be all grown back by Christmas.
Another weird aspect of chemo is that apparently I will feel the sickest 5-7 days after each treatment. Makes it hard to plan for any long-term activity. I must give up working with the students I tutor for the rest of this school year. That makes me sad because I really love them and want to help them learn. They will have to take responsibility for their own learning and skills development for a while.
My "support team," as I call them, includes three people who have already run this whole gauntlet. They will be my key resources for keeping my sanity.
My friend whom I mentioned above is also on my team. He has been marvellous in helping me keep all this in perspective, and listens when I just need to vent. I try not to do that very often because he is super-busy organizing a global science fiction convention for this summer, at which I will get to see him in person again for the first time since last July.
I'm working on becoming mentally stronger. One thing that helps is to wake up at 5 am and run 13-15 km. The rest of the day seems easy. But there's a harder version of this: I'm on vacation now and try to wake up as early as possible (not at 5 am) and still run. Vacation or no vacation, running is an obsession, a lifestyle, something you can't neglect.
No, Tim, I've had no injuries except for an occasional black toe. I experience light knee pain sometimes after running, which is a signal call to buy a new pair of shoes. Happens once a year.
What messed with my knees was playing basketball against 17-year-olds a few weeks ago. I'm 37 and fully aware now why pro athletes finish their careers around this age. Changing directions a little too fast while running made me realize my knees aren't 17 anymore.
Denis, you are the same age as me. I feel like my body is also not as good as before. I do think my plant-based diet has helped a lot though. I have more energy now than I did at 18. Have you tried eating like this?
Only once. I had cravings for meat about a week later. It's a huge surprise for me that you have more energy while on a plant-based diet. Can you recommend literature on the subject? I seem to be missing something important.
This was a really uplifting post Tim. Good reminder to work that mental muscle and muscle up. The beginning of the post reminded me of Bill Bryson's hilarious book on OZ - In a Sunburned Country. Made me laugh just remembering his book. Thanks for that.
This is so timely Tim! I quit a job that kept scheduling me for back to back 12 hour shifts (4 days off tho not consecutively) without having a new job lined up. I did that ridiculously busy and very public job for six weeks after medical editing at home for really the last five years. I am at such a crossroads right now. I had no idea that I like people as much as I do. I know I cannot sit around and just hope to hear back from the 80-something employers I've applied to. Perhaps it's time to create something of my own. Not sure if it was mental toughness that made me to quit or just recklessness lol.
Actually, blessedly, I got hired today for a sensible hybrid position (still in healthcare); however, I must say it was refreshing and scary to apply for many jobs that I had no real possibility of getting (but I could do except for the all important requirement of a BS degree) just to have that glimmer of what-if-ness. I am interested in writing, I always have enjoyed it.
I really enjoyed listening to this, thank you! I’m not feeling particularly mentally strong right now, I think because I’m not spending enough time focusing on the present. (Struggling to let go of the past and worrying about the future!) Going to work on it though!
I have to be honest and say I don't understand anxiety as a diagnosis. Everyone feels anxious at times. I do! I've tried to learn techniques that help me reduce anxiety, while at the same time recognising that it's actually normal (or I think it is). Can we change the label? Should it be something like "pathological anxiety" for those who can't deal with it in any helpful way? Would that even be useful? So many people, including ones I know, who are on antidepressants, and it makes me really sad. I totally understand they feel this is their only solution to extreme stress, given the world we live in.
One of my areas of interest is resilience in children. Being taught a "thing" in school doesn't teach resilience. Don't get me started on helicopter parenting and the results regarding resilience and gross and fine motor skills in kids. I just shake my head at all of this.
My family have a joke - "Just harden up". We laugh, but our upbringing on a farm taught us a lot of life skills that are darned handy today.
I have a lack of self control, i notice myself every second and request my mind to do what is right but sometimes it do whatever it want. By the way i think it is part of the journey and as i read your previous article on not being a perfectionist, so i am growing with these faults.
Tim you asked, "Are you mentally strong right now?"
No, I used to be super stronger but now I found I'm not mentally stronger as I use to be.
But the good news I'm working on myself to become more stronger than ever before and going to achieve all my wildest dreams. I am happy, I am calm 🧘♂️
1. WHY: Over the last couple of years I started many projects, funded by myself (my savings, etc.) and most of them either made less money or didn't make any money or I was short on a marketing budget so I had to leave them. The invested money, Time (uncountable hrs), and tons of energy all are gone. Twice I was broke and got back up on my feet. Never taken any off in 12+ yrs, didn't even know what the burnout was, and tirelessly worked. Over the years, I had to sacrifice many things (most people don't do that), friends, relationship in order to continue working on projects so at the end I had nobody from whom I can ask for help, support. Eventually, I broke apart and lost my mental toughness.
2. Doing differently: Firstly I acknowledged that I lost my mental toughness.
Secondly, Now again I'm running a side project. This time I didn't give up even though external reasons were still in my way. (Every time reasons are different to test us.)
And this time my project made money after 4.5 years, not much so far but I'm grateful for it and it will make more money and grow exponentially because this time I didn't give up and I will continue to go on. This time I was in the zone of Do or die and it worked. This is what I did differently.
Also I'm more actively practicing gratitude than ever before, it does miracle (don't trust me, learn from somewhere, youtube vidoes and try it. Key is do it consistently (at least twice mor, eve) and do it for prolong period, see it yourself this works)
Aaron I find a lot of businesses fail because they're too focused on what they think is a good idea, and not focused on gaining attention. Therefore, why not start by building a social media first?
Yes, you nailed it. I did the introspection several times and found I was either deeply fall in love with the product or services I developed and that had nothing to do with business mindset because artist fall in love with their work not business personal (exception is there Steve Jobs, he was a genius).
Secondly, I also ran those projects where market was hot but marketing budget was too low so in both cases I Am responsible for them not to be successful. I had to do my homework first. I might be Technical genius but not anywhere around when it comes to marketing or running a business (coz u gotta do everything in business). Now I know these things because of trial and error. So I'm playing safe but still its not easy.
You're 100% right, after finish this current project (2 phases), my current plan already states to do something on Twitter (the only issue I face over and over again is I've interest in multiple streams at expertize level that made me a jukebox, I have to narrow down it one or two, only then building social media following will work).
Do you have any suggestion how to narrow it down (emotionally its too much pain for me because one stream pull me in one direction to the other to another direction)?
Badass Grandma Chronicles: One Woman's Journey. These are stories about being mentally strong and dealing with the vagaries of life and not only surviving but thriving.
Yes. 😂. There seems to be a long onboarding process. I do not start for another week or so. I'm taking a few courses as well. I definitely see the value in the support here. It's hard to imagine being paid for writing, but I know something about the wonderful catharsis it affords. Nothing to lose.
It's when parents do everything for their child, and don't allow them to do anything they think is "risky". So you cut up all their food (knives, right?), you cut all their craft things for them (scissors), they have to win everything in some way and never learn to be a good loser, or a good winner, you don't let them climb on anything (falling!). So you end up with kids with poor gross and fine motor skills, which are really important to gain from birth, and no idea how to cope with disappointment or failure. No resilience or ability to bounce back. Another term for it is lawnmower parenting (mowing down every single thing in your child's way so they never learn how to deal with obstacles and puzzle things out for themselves). That's the short version! (Oh, and you don't let them read anything that is about people "different" to them in some way, so they never learn natural empathy.)
Pheww...I try to make sure my daughter does things herself. At 15 months old she even wipes down furniture now with wet wipes. I teach her to take risks and fall down too.
Time travelling is almost everyone's favourite thinking activity (as in conscious/subconscious parts). I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and it was like slapping my face with a brick because most of my problems came from this time-travelling pastime.
Will give it a try, I have this ruminating problem, sometimes locking me in the endless loop of reliving the past experience. While being aware of it, find it really hard to break free…
Growing accustomed to excessive comfort can diminish mental strength too.
In 2009, I spent 3 weeks in Japan. In a country where English is not widely spoken, I only had the maps in the appendix of my Lonely Planet book to navigate. It was fine.
Now, I get panicked when I have to drive more than 15 minutes from home without GPS.
Graeme this is a problem I have too. I used to be able to stand extreme temperatures. But now I live with a baby where the temperature has to always be right, I struggle.
What's "Lonely Planet?"
Oh my goodness, Tim - Lonely Planet guided so many of us to get out there and just experience the world - with a detailed guidebook. I can remember meeting a friend in France and pulling my LP guide apart so he could have the southern half where I had already been!
That's so wild Sherryl. Do you still use Lonely Planet?
It's a series of travel guidebooks from before the internet became the source for all knowledge. I would buy them before going to a new city.
They're still going somehow - https://shop.lonelyplanet.com
Loved Lonely Planet. They probably have a good online presence now too?
Wow that's amazing they've lasted this long.
I understand as I was sailing in the same boat. I just wrote a comment about my current mental state in comments (its somewhat similar to what you mentioned). Before reading your comment I wrote that.
Remember my friend, There is always a way, just find out.
There is always a solution even before the problem exist. You Are born to win and You will win.
I love the mindset here. We're all born to win. The question is, will you?
I win, I'm born to win, and I Always Win.
Tim, mark my word by the end of this year I'll have 3x or more progress financially. If I'd remember by that time (or its easy for me to find this commend), I'd post an update to tell you the good news. or if you give me your consent I'd send you an email with an update.
Post it so everyone can learn. How are you going to 3x this year?
BTW I meant to say that by the end of this year 'Dec 30' I'd post an update here on this comment or send you an email if you give me your consent.
But as you asked me, 'Post it so everyone can learn. How are you going to 3x this year?', Sure, I'm honored, let me share:
Tim, you might already know this, Reasons come first and answers come second.
Especially in this context, My strategy might be foolproof for me but may not be helpful to others because my reasons are different than others so is my goals and dreams. My strategy is to strengthen me in those areas where I need to strengthen myself the most so that I perform better than ever to take my financial progress to Next level (intrinsic goal). This is what I do:
1. No to New Project Ideas and in personal or professional life No to everything that takes away my time or focus or energy, that is required me to perform at higher level on daily basis.
2. I Religiously, Follow my 6 months plan (sub divided into 1 month plan -> weekly plan -> daily plan.
Review it daily 2x for current day (start and end of the day), reflect it end of week for past week, reflect at end of the month for past month.
3. Budget allocated for work - I allocated budget for work. Monthly, first thing first, I set aside good percentage for work.
5. Investing in learning skills - Currently learning a skill, implementing it immediately before move to next one and afterwards 2 more skill to learn to smooth out my work process.
6. Double work than my competition - My competition works around 36-45 hrs/week and I'm heading towards 60-66 hrs/week
7. Get into Flow state 'on demand'
priming my mind when my day starts
Before sleeping: I do Meditation
* No spending for junk food except: Once in a blue moon. To nourish my mind so that my body has more nutrients and more pure energy flows to my brain.
* 30 approx. breathing exercise just before doing work so that I deliberately send more oxygen to my brain to perform better.
The only thing I've in control is my efforts and I'm committed to bet on them. Tim let me know if you have any suggestion to improve my progress plan.
P.S. I do many other things but I'm afraid those are not easy to explain here.
Aaron you should turn this into a piece of writing. I love it.
Seems like you're dedicating a lot of time to your job. Could you not build your own thing?
Yassshh totally agree. Minds seek the most efficient path. The comfort, the known, reduces the taxing effort the mind needs to take because the neural pathways have been formed. I realised the more I undertake challenges (that I snowball gradually), it expands my comfort zone, and before long, I've taken up doing things I was not confident doing just under a year ago. Not sure if I can win, but I love doing the day-to-day activities that show my progress to achieve a goal.
Sekar, have you tried public speaking?
I have and sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I don't
2 years ago I felt extremely bored and mentally weak. I started working with a coach and the transformation from a weak mind to a mentally strong one has been extremely rewarding. I was the classic victim playing character. I took control over my thoughts and became the main character of my own story. It requires hard work and dedication, still today.
Thank you for this great article. It made me realise I've already grown a lot and yet, still have more potential to get better.
Awesome Marie. Where did you find your coach? What sort of coach are they?
I was already following the work of Bob Proctor (recommended to me by a colleague). And then I searched on google 'Bob proctor coach Belgium', I ended up finding a coaching business (Mindtransformers) focussing on business and mindset, combining the 2. Learned a lot about mindset, visualisation, gratitude, consistency, the power of habits,... It was amazing and worth every cent (I payed 7500 euros for 6 months of coaching). Thank you for asking Tim!!
So cool. Anything Bob Proctor is involved with is normally 10/10/
May I ask you? In your initial comment you mentioned:
"I was the classic victim playing character."
How did Bob Proctor's trained coach helped you specifically to get out of that victim mindset?
As far as I know when we play a victim character in our mind then we loose peace because most of the time we keep repeating that what injustice or bad incident happened to us in near past? isn't it? And it happens unconsciously.
I know you also mentioned this:
"Learned a lot about mindset, visualisation, gratitude, consistency, the power of habits"
But these all things come at very latter stage. Unless we first get out of that victim mindset, none of these things seem to work. As negativity goes all over the place?
Q1. Were you had only fear to get success or how to become successful or
how to get rich?
OR
Q2. You had a baggage of past trauma (could be anything like fight with someone or not good relationship etc.) that lead you to play victim character in your mind all the time?
The first situation, I understand, can be handled what they (Bob Proctor's team) teach and a person can overcome by even reading self-help books or doing gratitude, visualization, day dreaming, forming good habits.
BUT the latter situation isn't easy to handle and overcome?
It would be great if you shed some light, what category did you fall in the 1st or 2nd and how did they help you at first place? It'd be great if you share that?
Hi Aaron, I would place myself in Q1. I don't have a baggage of past trauma. I grew up happy and safe. It was only when I started working, my struggles started. I was so extremely bored in every job I did, that I started doubting myself and myself worth. It's here I developed this victim blaming program. I blamed the companies, the managers, the tasks, the office, the colleagues for my lack of challenge. I couldn’t understand why everybody was allways saying they’re so busy while I wasn't at all.
It was by explaining this context that the coach pointed to the blaming behaviour.
And I recognised this immediately when he pointed it out. So then I started paying attention to my thoughts, and slowly started to build a 2.0 version of myself. I did use visualisation for this.
Today I still slip back into the victim mindset once in a while, but I can recognise it pretty quickly.
It's also only now I'm discovering the reason for this boredom, and it's highly probable because of an above average intellect. I'm doing some tests next week.
Something as giftedness never crossed my mind, because I simply would never thing this is me. But the more literature I read about it, the more similarities I see with myself and this neurodivergence. And that could be the answer to my boredom issue. Another reason not to blame my surroundings (or myself for that matter).
I hope this answers your question Aaron?
And thank you for taking the time to elaborate on my comment!
Hi Marie, thank you for answering my question, I sincerely appreciate that.
IMHO You've surely taken a great decision to work with a coach to transform your mindset and have a winning mentality because many people don't have the courage to do that and their old habits chase them their whole life and at the end of life, they regret not taking action.
My best wishes are with you for the tests.
You write very well, this is the natural talent you're gifted with. The journey you started, continue walking on that path as you already got some success on Medium
(if you'd like to you can slow down little bit as you mentioned in your post, you're covering many platforms simultaneously as sometimes burnout happens if we don't strategically plan all this. it's just my humble suggestion. I've no idea maybe you're already working with a perfect plan)), surely you can rock the boat and do any way you'd like to).
You're born to win.
Marie thank you for your great understanding and explaining all this. I appreciate that.
Hi, Tim. A timely note on mental toughness for me, just when I needed it. I'm about to start chemotherapy for breast cancer. I've heard from so many people that "The treatment is worse than the disease", but I'm not falling for that.
23 years ago I had my final surgery for another long-term illness that doctors are only getting around to recognizing as a real illness, endometriosis. I cheated death three times on that one by not hemorrhaging to death on those occasions. When a new technique to do hysterectomies was developed that did NOT push a woman into instant menopause, I jumped on it.
I had 23 very healthy years after that treatment, and no more endometriosis. So I'm pretty sure I can defeat this cancer thing too. And while I'm at it, I'll be getting ready to go to Glasgow, Scotland in August. There, I'll reconnect with friends I last saw in person over 30 years ago. That's a powerful incentive to get well on my terms.
Sorry to hear Carol. How does one prepare for chemo?
Hi, Tim. One prepares for chemo by having several advance tests:
> a heart scan to check the flow volume of blood leaving the heart via the arteries. This tells how fast the chemo chemicals will circulate through the body and leave it.
> a bone scan - a surprisingly painful CAT scan of the whole skeleton to detect how healthy the bone marrow is for creating new blood cells, many of which might be killed by chemo
> a CAT scan of the whole torso, to assess the state of health of all the internal organs
> an MRI to do one last check for any other hidden carcinomas before chemo starts
> one pre-chemo blood test that is very thorough, to check the health of all the different kinds of blood cells
I have finished the first three, just two more to go before I get my IV Port installed to allow for simpler injection of the chemo drugs. I've asked for eight treatments every 2 weeks, so I can finish by end June and get ready for my fabulous vacation to Glasgow, Scotland in August.
So now you know.
I am supremely grateful I live in Canada, where all of this work, plus two completed surgeries already, has cost me $0 dollars CAD. If I lived in the USA I might have had to take out a new mortgage on the house by now...
Best wishes to you, your missus, and little Miss Denning, Carol
Amazing Carol. How do you prepare mentally for the chemo?
You don't. I spent two hours on the telephone today trying to reorganize pre-chemo appointments. I have negotiated with them that I can have a few weeks off from the treatments in July and August so I can take my holiday in Glasgow to attend a global science fiction convention, and catch up with friends I haven't seen in 30 years. That trip is helping me keep my head on straight.
I have no idea how to prepare mentally for the fact that I will look like an Easter egg just two weeks after Easter; I am admittedly vain. My gorgeous, thick, wavy, full-bodied hair has been a key factor in my self-perception as very pretty all my life.
I have several photos of a dear friend posted up in my home office. He had lost all his hair by his early 30s. It has not stopped him from being a kind, loving and caring person. So I'll find a way to accept my new reality for as long as it lasts - I have been assured my hair loss is just temporary, and that it will likely be all grown back by Christmas.
Another weird aspect of chemo is that apparently I will feel the sickest 5-7 days after each treatment. Makes it hard to plan for any long-term activity. I must give up working with the students I tutor for the rest of this school year. That makes me sad because I really love them and want to help them learn. They will have to take responsibility for their own learning and skills development for a while.
My "support team," as I call them, includes three people who have already run this whole gauntlet. They will be my key resources for keeping my sanity.
My friend whom I mentioned above is also on my team. He has been marvellous in helping me keep all this in perspective, and listens when I just need to vent. I try not to do that very often because he is super-busy organizing a global science fiction convention for this summer, at which I will get to see him in person again for the first time since last July.
Thanks for asking!
I'm working on becoming mentally stronger. One thing that helps is to wake up at 5 am and run 13-15 km. The rest of the day seems easy. But there's a harder version of this: I'm on vacation now and try to wake up as early as possible (not at 5 am) and still run. Vacation or no vacation, running is an obsession, a lifestyle, something you can't neglect.
Denis, did you start out running 13-15km? Or did you slowly build up to it?
I slowly built up to it, Tim. I started by running 3 km at a time.
Has it messed with your knees? Have you had any injuries? All my runner friends seem to constantly have injuries.
No, Tim, I've had no injuries except for an occasional black toe. I experience light knee pain sometimes after running, which is a signal call to buy a new pair of shoes. Happens once a year.
What messed with my knees was playing basketball against 17-year-olds a few weeks ago. I'm 37 and fully aware now why pro athletes finish their careers around this age. Changing directions a little too fast while running made me realize my knees aren't 17 anymore.
Denis, you are the same age as me. I feel like my body is also not as good as before. I do think my plant-based diet has helped a lot though. I have more energy now than I did at 18. Have you tried eating like this?
Only once. I had cravings for meat about a week later. It's a huge surprise for me that you have more energy while on a plant-based diet. Can you recommend literature on the subject? I seem to be missing something important.
This was a really uplifting post Tim. Good reminder to work that mental muscle and muscle up. The beginning of the post reminded me of Bill Bryson's hilarious book on OZ - In a Sunburned Country. Made me laugh just remembering his book. Thanks for that.
Haha no probs. Do you have good mental toughness?
Yes. It's in training :
:)
This is so timely Tim! I quit a job that kept scheduling me for back to back 12 hour shifts (4 days off tho not consecutively) without having a new job lined up. I did that ridiculously busy and very public job for six weeks after medical editing at home for really the last five years. I am at such a crossroads right now. I had no idea that I like people as much as I do. I know I cannot sit around and just hope to hear back from the 80-something employers I've applied to. Perhaps it's time to create something of my own. Not sure if it was mental toughness that made me to quit or just recklessness lol.
Forget applying for jobs Carol.
Can you write online in the down time? Can you have coffee with former work colleagues?
Actually, blessedly, I got hired today for a sensible hybrid position (still in healthcare); however, I must say it was refreshing and scary to apply for many jobs that I had no real possibility of getting (but I could do except for the all important requirement of a BS degree) just to have that glimmer of what-if-ness. I am interested in writing, I always have enjoyed it.
Congrats on the new job Carol? So will you still start writing now?
I really enjoyed listening to this, thank you! I’m not feeling particularly mentally strong right now, I think because I’m not spending enough time focusing on the present. (Struggling to let go of the past and worrying about the future!) Going to work on it though!
What past are you trying to let go of? Job? Lover? Money?
Job, and trauma (not connected!) I know I can never erase trauma but hopefully can let go of some of the mental and physical byproducts of it.
I believe you can erase trauma. Why do you believe it's impossible?
Only because you can’t change the fact that it happened. I’d love to hear your ideas on how to erase it though!
Focusing on the present is really hard! A lot changed for me after reading the Power of Now from Eckhart Tolle :)
Such an incredible book Marie. Any other books like this?
I have to be honest and say I don't understand anxiety as a diagnosis. Everyone feels anxious at times. I do! I've tried to learn techniques that help me reduce anxiety, while at the same time recognising that it's actually normal (or I think it is). Can we change the label? Should it be something like "pathological anxiety" for those who can't deal with it in any helpful way? Would that even be useful? So many people, including ones I know, who are on antidepressants, and it makes me really sad. I totally understand they feel this is their only solution to extreme stress, given the world we live in.
One of my areas of interest is resilience in children. Being taught a "thing" in school doesn't teach resilience. Don't get me started on helicopter parenting and the results regarding resilience and gross and fine motor skills in kids. I just shake my head at all of this.
My family have a joke - "Just harden up". We laugh, but our upbringing on a farm taught us a lot of life skills that are darned handy today.
You said "I've tried to learn techniques that help me reduce anxiety"
Would you mind sharing some of the techniques that worked for you?
I'm curious to know that.
We could change the label Sherryl. What's helicopter parenting? As a fairly new dad I'd love to know.
I have a lack of self control, i notice myself every second and request my mind to do what is right but sometimes it do whatever it want. By the way i think it is part of the journey and as i read your previous article on not being a perfectionist, so i am growing with these faults.
In what are of life do you lack self-control, Mehak?
Tim you asked, "Are you mentally strong right now?"
No, I used to be super stronger but now I found I'm not mentally stronger as I use to be.
But the good news I'm working on myself to become more stronger than ever before and going to achieve all my wildest dreams. I am happy, I am calm 🧘♂️
I am mentally becoming stronger than ever before.
Everything works out fine for me.
What are you now doing different Aaron? Why did you lose your mental toughness?
1. WHY: Over the last couple of years I started many projects, funded by myself (my savings, etc.) and most of them either made less money or didn't make any money or I was short on a marketing budget so I had to leave them. The invested money, Time (uncountable hrs), and tons of energy all are gone. Twice I was broke and got back up on my feet. Never taken any off in 12+ yrs, didn't even know what the burnout was, and tirelessly worked. Over the years, I had to sacrifice many things (most people don't do that), friends, relationship in order to continue working on projects so at the end I had nobody from whom I can ask for help, support. Eventually, I broke apart and lost my mental toughness.
2. Doing differently: Firstly I acknowledged that I lost my mental toughness.
Secondly, Now again I'm running a side project. This time I didn't give up even though external reasons were still in my way. (Every time reasons are different to test us.)
And this time my project made money after 4.5 years, not much so far but I'm grateful for it and it will make more money and grow exponentially because this time I didn't give up and I will continue to go on. This time I was in the zone of Do or die and it worked. This is what I did differently.
Also I'm more actively practicing gratitude than ever before, it does miracle (don't trust me, learn from somewhere, youtube vidoes and try it. Key is do it consistently (at least twice mor, eve) and do it for prolong period, see it yourself this works)
Aaron I find a lot of businesses fail because they're too focused on what they think is a good idea, and not focused on gaining attention. Therefore, why not start by building a social media first?
Yes, you nailed it. I did the introspection several times and found I was either deeply fall in love with the product or services I developed and that had nothing to do with business mindset because artist fall in love with their work not business personal (exception is there Steve Jobs, he was a genius).
Secondly, I also ran those projects where market was hot but marketing budget was too low so in both cases I Am responsible for them not to be successful. I had to do my homework first. I might be Technical genius but not anywhere around when it comes to marketing or running a business (coz u gotta do everything in business). Now I know these things because of trial and error. So I'm playing safe but still its not easy.
You're 100% right, after finish this current project (2 phases), my current plan already states to do something on Twitter (the only issue I face over and over again is I've interest in multiple streams at expertize level that made me a jukebox, I have to narrow down it one or two, only then building social media following will work).
Do you have any suggestion how to narrow it down (emotionally its too much pain for me because one stream pull me in one direction to the other to another direction)?
Aaron, the niche is you. You don't have to narrow anything now. Make sense?
Yeah, it makes sense. BTW I'm a software engineer by profession and I've deep interest and expertize of these:
1. Technology (includes many), Programming
2. Spirituality, consciousness, Meditation (practiced for yrs)
3. Productivity, doing work efficiently, perfectionism
Should continue focus on 1st point: Technology or let my interest flow in all 3 to build my social media following?
The real pandemic is weak heart. A person who never quits never fails.
I've quit a few things so I can relate.
I like it. I say it in this way, quitter never wins and winners never quit.
So it's a paradox?
You're right. I think somewhat inside my subconscious mind, I also believe success involves both persistence and the wisdom to know when to quit.
Are you related to Dan Denning from Bonner Research?
I'm not Molly. Never heard of him. Why do you ask? Who is he?
Just curious. You and Dan have the same last name and same accent. I liked your article!
Ahh ok. "Denning" isn't a common name. I've tried to connect with people who share my last name. There's some interesting ones out there.
Badass Grandma Chronicles: One Woman's Journey. These are stories about being mentally strong and dealing with the vagaries of life and not only surviving but thriving.
Sounds interesting. Are you a badass grandma Sandra?
Yes. 😂. There seems to be a long onboarding process. I do not start for another week or so. I'm taking a few courses as well. I definitely see the value in the support here. It's hard to imagine being paid for writing, but I know something about the wonderful catharsis it affords. Nothing to lose.
If you write on Substack you'll learn you can be paid for writing. It's a huge psychological shift.
It's when parents do everything for their child, and don't allow them to do anything they think is "risky". So you cut up all their food (knives, right?), you cut all their craft things for them (scissors), they have to win everything in some way and never learn to be a good loser, or a good winner, you don't let them climb on anything (falling!). So you end up with kids with poor gross and fine motor skills, which are really important to gain from birth, and no idea how to cope with disappointment or failure. No resilience or ability to bounce back. Another term for it is lawnmower parenting (mowing down every single thing in your child's way so they never learn how to deal with obstacles and puzzle things out for themselves). That's the short version! (Oh, and you don't let them read anything that is about people "different" to them in some way, so they never learn natural empathy.)
Pheww...I try to make sure my daughter does things herself. At 15 months old she even wipes down furniture now with wet wipes. I teach her to take risks and fall down too.
Time travelling is almost everyone's favourite thinking activity (as in conscious/subconscious parts). I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and it was like slapping my face with a brick because most of my problems came from this time-travelling pastime.
Sekar, The Power of Now seems to be a life-changing book for so many people. You've inspired me to read it again.
i re-read it within half a year of the 1st time reading it too
Will give it a try, I have this ruminating problem, sometimes locking me in the endless loop of reliving the past experience. While being aware of it, find it really hard to break free…